Camila lay on her bed facing the wall, she hate how she still long for Lauren. And she really hope that Dinah found a way to get Lauren to talk to her, she knows that what she's doing is selfish but she really want to give it maybe a one last chance for them to rekindle their relationship. And maybe now Lauren would spare her some time and make her understand the situation, that even though they won't get back together although that's what she really want, hearing Lauren's side can make the pain a little bit bearable.
Her best friends hasn't come back yet, it's been quite some time since they left. She's also worried about them, about her mom, everyone. She acts like she only care about herself now but that doesn't mean she truly does. You can't blame her for acting the way she does, if you are her or if ever you've been through her insecurities maybe you could understand her. When she saw her mom, who's fighting her tears for her sake it broke Camila's heart, having an idea of how she's feeling that time and when she saw her in her room thinking she'll lose her maybe that put her mom in pain too.
The sound of the door opening startled Camila, although she stayed on her position the way her heart became furious she doesn't have to turn around knowing who the person is basing on how her body reacted to its presence.
"You came" she turned around meeting her still blank stare, a small smile on her lips as her hopes came up.
"Camila why did you do that?" Lauren asked, her tone angry but not so harsh.
"Because I thought it's for the better. And look at you now, you're here. If only I knew this would get you to talk to me maybe I've done it earlier" she said truthfully. Camila sound like a person who is completely out of her mind, her heart and emotion getting the best of her.
"Why are you like this? When did you become so shallow?" Lauren asked in disbelief.
"If this is the only way to be with you again then I am okay with it Lauren" she said blankly.
"But this won't get me back to you! Nothing will! Do you understand that?!" Lauren spat, she can't believe that Camila would be like this.
"Then why Lauren?! Why did you suddenly lost all your feelings for me?! Why it seem so easy for you to throw everything away?! Why did you just left me like that?! What did I ever do to make you hate me like this?! What happened to you'll never leave? To "Our friendship will never change"? What happened to you?" Camila asked angrily she's now in a sitting position as she wiped her tears away and lost every hope she's mad at her right now. She doesn't get her.
"You don't get it Camz. You don't understand any of it" Lauren said also crying now.
"Then make me understand it! If it's really hard for you to be with me again don't I at least deserve an explanation?! I deserve to know why Lauren! Because I hate how I am hating myself more! You told me it's not about me not being enough but by the way you ended things with us it seem like it! I gave you space thinking it's enough and you'll come back and at least talk to me but by the time you came back you droped the bomb telling me we're done and that I should consider your feelings and understand you too! How?! How am I suppose to do so if in the first place you didn't give me explanation? I just want to know Lauren, I just want something to hold to make myself believe that I deserve to live!" Camila cried desperately pointing at Lauren who's also sobbing staring at her. And she's seeing her, the real her. She's right there crying in front of her. She doesn't hope about them being together but she hope she'll get honest answer for her.
"Because I am starting to hate you for making me feel bad!" Lauren shouted shocking Camila and she stared at her with wide eyes.
"Because it's starting to feel like a job. That I should be taking care of you. That you and your being is my obligation. I don't want to hate you Camila, never. I don't want that. Whenver I see you sad I feel like I'm the reason why, whenever I see your insecurities in your eyes I feel like I'm not enough. That I am suppose to make you happy all the time, and whenever I can't I feel like shit. Whenever I fuck up I can see how everyone is disappointed in me, that I am a bad person who always hurt you. You're always jealous and I feel like maybe I really am a slut because my I love yous and You're beautiful didn't seem enough for you. And I can't tell anyone about that not even you. How am I suppose to tell the girls about all of it? Without making them think I am stupid and bad. How am I suppose to tell you that? When I know I have the power to ruin you?" Lauren confessed crying heavily, looking straight at Camila's hollow and blood shot eyes.
"And you think just leaving me like that doesn't hurt? That, that didn't destroy me?" Camila choked. Her voice broken and weak.
"I know I was wrong. I'm sorry for everything Camila. I'm sorry if I hurt you, and if I still am" Lauren looked down and ket her eyes again, she too looks broken and in pain.
"Before you have everyone including me. When you're hurt everyone's there to make sure you're okay. When you're hurt I always listen to you. When there are times I can't even deal with my own shits I try to be strong for you, for us. Because I am also weak who's gonna be strong for us? Knowing you need me is both a curse and a blessing. And then Phoebe came, she made me feel new things. That maybe we're too blinded by our love to even look around and explore the world. When I'm with her it's not complicated it's easy when it comes to her. She made me feel good, like I am appreciated. I don't have to be strong for her she have a lot but still chose me and it feels right. And I'm sorry I didn't control my feelings and liked her. Can you blame me? We're both at fault Camila, maybe I am more and I admit that. But please don't make it harder than it is. You have everyone and she's all I got, don't tell me to leave her" Lauren said, on her last part she pleaded.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know... oh gosh" Camila said her head rested on her palms.
"Please don't ever do that again okay? I'm not enough for that. You still have a lot. Don't blame yourself for everything. You have such a wonderful life to live" she smiled turning on her heels.
Camila and Lauren's eyes filled with tears, if only their relationship ended in a much appealing and ideal way.
Lauren is halfway through the door when she spun around staring right at Camila's sorry and sad eyes.
"Please let me go" she said above a whisper staring right at Camila. But the girl shook her head still at lost and Lauren look defeated.
Things turns out the way they never expected it to be. If before you'll tell them they'll break up they would just snort and intertwine their hands whispering I love yous in each other's ear. But not everything go our way and there it is the unthinkable happened. They are now can't be repaired.
