Fall is Camila's favorite season, it used to be the where she and Lauren would put no effort on what to wear and cuddle under the blankets. Lying there talking about anything and Lauren teasing her non stop, while Camila will tell all the lame jokes but Lauren would still laugh at them like they are the funniest thing she'd ever heard.
She sighed, she doesn't want to think about Lauren so much 'cause she's still not over her, not even a bit. Her mind is always occupied with the green eyed girl, her friends are always there making sure she's okay but even them bring her pain as they all remind her of Lauren. And the hurt she feels just thinking about their broken friendship.
The only time she stops thinking about her break up is when she's with Shawn, the boy give her such a new feeling. Something she doesn't want to lose, she likes having him around even just for some time. No one knows where she goes all the time whenever she leaves, no one knows she found a new friend who doesn't treat her like something breakable, she feels normal when she's with him... like her old self but new, it's weird yeah but Camila doesn't know how to explain it.
For the past weeks it's been a silent agreement for them to go to the park and spend their time together talking with hot chocolate in hand to warm their body up, their source of heat during this cold weather. And speaking of him there he is smiling at Camila holding their drinks. He always act like he doesn't have a problem, he's always happy and positive that have such an impact to Camila.
"Hey loner" he teases.
"Pfft, you're the one to talk" she bite back her smile just like Shawn's.
"I'm still cool" he says smugly handing Camila her drink.
"You know if only you don't give me this I would probably leave you alone here and not ever talk to you again" she joked.
"Yeah? That's too bad 'cause you'll miss this face Mila"
"I swear you're so full of yourself" she scoffs punching him lightly.
"Touché" he said rubbing his arm.
"So how's your day? I feel like you know a lot about me and I don't know where you live... such a stalker" Camila said opening up a conversation.
"It's boring like always, hey I don't know where you live too. And whatever you say"
"I know Shawn" she patted him "it's boring when I'm not around. You'll know soon" Camila laugh lightly at him.
"Cool.. how about you?"
"How about me?" she arch an eyebrow
"How's your day?" He titls hid head.
"You know. Same.. same old" she said trying to hide the pain as she suddenly thought about Lauren.
"Heyyy. It'll all be okay, okay? Now let's not talk about that and I'll tell you something cool" he said putting his hand on her head like she's a child.
And you can say that their conversation is still full of banters making them laugh, their voices bouncing back with the park being empty. Everyday they learn something new from each other, Camila found out that Shawn's not really from Miama but from Canada his parents business being the reason why they moved there three years ago. It also turns out that he's the loner (kidding) Camila being his first and only friend in Miami and that Shawn leave near her.
"Who's the loner now huh?" She asks her voice playful.
"Yeah yeah. It's just I'm too cool" he retorts.
"You're such a jerk" she said half heartedly.
"A very good looking jerk" he smirks.
Camila was about to reply with a smart comeback but his phone rings and he motions for her to excuse him. He didn't even go away and remain seated.
"Already?" His voice with dismay.
....
"Okay then" he said locking his phone and smiled at her.
"Curfew" he said.
"You have a strict parents, but it's cute 'cause not every guys follow orders" she cooed petting him making him swat her hand away playfuly.
"Shh you're ruining my cool image" he said standing up and Camila followed him.
"So Good Night and Good bye?" A smile on her lips.
"Sadly yeah" he answers starting to walk and the brown eyed girl follows.
"Hey don't be to obvious that you'll miss me"
"Oh please" he scoffs.
"Just kidding. Go now, we don't want mommy to pinch your ear" she chuckles annoying him but he just smiles at her.
"See you tomorrow?" He ask once they reached the street where they'll part ways.
"Definitely" she smiles, waving at him as she walks away Shawn looking at her.
Maybe everything is not all bad after all.
*****
It is unbelievable how your mood can easily change, from happy to sad in a matter of second. No Camila's way more than sad right now, she's sitting on her bay window looking up at the sky. Even though she's ashamed to admit it, she's hoping Lauren would do the same thing to. But it turns out the girl is not in her room 'cause there she is walking with Phoebe towards their porch. She know the moment she saw their linked hands she should've stopped watching, it's true then.. they are dating. Camila is too weak to stand up, she want to look away and not watch the girl she's still hopelessly in love with who not too long ago feels the same talk with her new love interest. She smiles at her and she hate it, Lauren can't even spare her a glance. Camila is mad at herself for not getting over her 'cause clearly the other girl is. She hate that she can't move on with life like any other human creature would. She hate how weak she is, how easily she can get hurt. And as if she's not hurt enough she watch as Lauren closes the gap between them. She should've looked away by now right? But she's stupid and weak 'cause she watch them until they parted her heart breaking into tiny little pieces if that's even possible by now.
A/N: Trigger warning
Camila want to make it stop and doesn't know how to, she doesn't like where her mind is taking her but it is the only thing she knows. Her body is trembling as her shoulders shake as she sob quietly, or so she thought. The image of Lauren lip locking with Phoebe keep playing on her mind.
Only if she's good and cool enough like Phoebe maybe Lauren won't leave her. Maybe she is still the reason behind her smiles, the main reason why she's happy. Yeah maybe Lauren would be happy if she'd be gone, if she'll stop bothering her, if she'll disappear. Yeah that would make it better for everyone, to not have them looking after her anymore.
And now matter how hard she tried to stop herself she found herself opening her drawer searching for something she's only suppose to take if the doctor tell her so. Something she never imagined she'll actually look for and take. She found the bottle than would help her forget about the pain, she took one and swallowed it. She wait until it will work out but the pain didn't even lessen for a bit. And she took another and another and another until she felt relieve and smiled. Finally being numb her body shutting down, because she didn't only thought about ending the pain... she's thinking about ending her life.
Her limbs started to go weak, her leads heavy but she never thought she'll be happy about dying until now. Until she's weak enough for her mind to shut down as well as her eyes, and Camila came crashing down knocking over her night stand causing a loud crash but unlike that her heart that once beat so loudly for everyone...for Lauren started to get quiet and soon will be still.
A/N: okay first of all I don't ever suggest that, you understand? I've been battling with myself if whether I should write something like that because I don't want it to look like I am telling everyone who's reading this that it's okay to do that. It is not okay? You, whoever you are is worth a life and only God should decide when he'll take that away. You are precious and you shouldn't do anything like that. Whatever it is, however how hard it is you can do it! I know because maybe not a lot but at least one believes so much in you and don't want you to do that. I hope you guys agree with me and spread the word.
THANK YOU FOR READING! YOU ARE APPRECIATED AND LOVE! I LOVE YOU
P.S ugh I thought I already posted this sh*t.
Here you go guys
