For the past two days there's no any type of communication between Lauren and Camila, and the brown eyed girl is kind of okay with it. At least Lauren can't break up with her but she would be lying of she would say things are better this way because nothing is better nowadays. She feels like it's just the same everyday; waking up in th morning hiding the pain from her family and friends, going to school to at least see Lauren's face, and then after she ate dinner she'd go to the park to cry and the hot chocolate became a normal besides it's the only thing she keep looking forward at the end of the day.
She can't say that where hers and Lauren's relationship stands is an admirable one but she would prefer it than nothing, at least Lauren is still somehow hers. Lauren doesn't seem to be affected by it even just for a bit, she'll see her laughing along with her new so called "friends". But she's happy and at the end of the day that's what Camila could ever ask for.
She saw her entering the cafeteria with Phoebe by her side, their eyes met. She smiled a little but she turned away as if she didn't see her. She looked down ashamed and hurt.
"I swear one day that bitch would get her shits handed to her" Dinah muttered turns out that Camila isn't the only one who saw them all her friends did so as everyone in the cafetaria, the whispering started again like they always do for the past month ever since Lauren started to hang out more with Phoebe.
"Yeah I don't even know what Lauren see in that bitch" Normani added her voice matching Dinah's.
"Mila are you okay?" Ally asked concerned.
Camila didn't know that she's crying until Ally noticed it, she quickly wiped it away and laugh to hide it. Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.
Until the tears fell down one by one until she's crying fully but quietly her best friends staring at her worriedly trying to be subtle so no one will notice and save her from humiliation.
"Camila" she know who's the owner of that voice and even though she doesn't the look on her friends faces' gave it away. She wiped her eyes before she faced her and smiled.
"Lauren" she breathed weakly.
"Come with me" Lauren said still looking at her ignoring their best friends' deathly stares.
"No she won't" Dinah said firmly gripping Camila's wrist tightly making the smaller girl wince.
"Dinah let me and Camila handle this" Lauren said with finality in her voice.
"Whatever you have to tell her you can it in front of us" Normani said locking her intense gaze with Lauren's
"Don't make it harder than it already is" Lauren said exasperated.
"Girls let Camila decide" Ally said and turned to look at her friend.
"Do you want to Camila?"
She know what's happening, that if she comes it'll be the end. She laugh bitterly inside her head, thinking that Lauren can't even wait until they got home to do it. But she come with her now or later it'll be the same result so why not do it now? She can do it.. for her... for Lauren.
"Yeah. I'll see you girls later" she answered smiling at least her tears stopped.
She shot Dinah a smile telling her that it's okay and she let her go hesitantly. Lauren grabbed her hand and led her outside, she enjoyed it knowing that probably this will be the last one she'll ever get from now. All eyes are on them until they finally made it outside. The walk in the hallways with Lauren stilll holding her hand, and Camila is thankful at least she have some sort of strength to go and walk. All the staring stopped when they reached the soccer field. The walk felt like forever, and awful scenarios are playing inside her head, a lot of thoughts but it isn't enough to prepare her for what's to come.
"Camila I know you're mad at me for all things I've done-" Lauren sarted after a long deafining silence.
"No Lauren I'm not mad, you know I can never be mad at you and I know that I've been doing annoying things but-" Lauren cut her off just like she did to her earlier, and from there you can hear Camila's fear.
"Camz" Lauren said silencing her, the nickname made her happy and hurt her so bad at the same time.
"Please Lauren don't do this, I can't Lauren. I... I can't go on through this. I need you, you know that. You promised me, you promised you'd never leave. You said you'll always be here Lo. Please, don't do this. We'll be fine, it's just a rough path" the desparation and fear can't be ignored as she plead.
"Camila don't do this. This, whatever there is left between us needs to end. It's not healthy for me, nor for you. This is not like before and whether you want to admit it or not nothing is the same. Everytime we talk we're fighting, I can't do this to myself, I can't keep holding on just to make you happy. That I can't break up with you because you can't handle it" Lauren said, and everything she's saying is digging the knife deeper and deeper in Camila's heart. There are a lot of things Lauren doesn't know.
"I'll be better Lauren. I'd do everything you like just please don't do this. I won't complain, I won't be so clingy, I don't care if you want to spend more time with your other friends. Please Lauren. I'm begging you, I'd do anything" Camila cried kneeling and hugging Lauren's legs.
"Camila! Can't you hear yourself. Don't do this to yourself just because you're afraid to make change in your life. I'm sorry Camila but I can't offer you anything more than friemdship." Lauren untangled her from her and walked away leaving her crying on the ground. Her world came crashing down right before her. She want to run after her but she's to weak to do so.
All of their memories replaying on her mind, starting to the first ever memory she had with her, to the times the older girl protect her from any harm. How Lauren courted her, their annivesaries and every memory that brings nothing but unbearable pain to her.
It's funny how before Lauren would do anything so no one can hurt her, and now she's the main reason why she's feeling like her heart got ripped out of her chest and got torn into tiny little pieces. All the promises Lauren made hanging, the hopes and dreams vanishing into thin air. And it's true that love can give you so much happiness and can also hurt you to worst possible way. And that the person who makes you the happiest can also be the one to crush you. Handing your heart to someone is really a risk. And the day Camila feared the most just happened not too long ago.
"Camila!" Dinah shouted running towards her crouching down and hugged her. She sobbed on her chest clinging onto her like she'll disappear if she won't.
"Mila it'll be okay. You and Lauren will be okay. I promise you that. You know you'll be okay" Ally said stroking her hair.
"She... b-broke up.. with me" she choke out and heard Dinah and the two other girls gasp. And she cried harder.
"You'll be okay Camila. You'll be okay. Promise you'll be okay" Normani said but her tone says the other way around. She sound like she's convincing her self more than she is convicing Camila.
And right at this moment Camila and them doesn't even know if she'll be okay, or if she'll ever be. Oh it's unbelievable how fast something can change.
A/N: Oohh! T'was hard!
