semi-automatic ; j.d

ten ; a letter to homesickness

it's freeing outside.

ohio in the winter is not something to play about, especially since it's december and mia has to walk a good mile to get from one lecture hall to the next. by the time she makes it to her creative writing class, her cheeks are red and she can't feel her hands. she walks in about ten minutes early and sits down towards the back corner of the large room. there's about fifty kids in her class, so it's not too big, but big enough that she doesn't feel like she could get any attention. which is good, because when she goes to class she just likes to blend in and learn.

she unzips her big black north face coat and tucks it under her chair. she puts her laptop on the small fold out table and exhales a bit. when she checks her phone, she doesn't see a new text from josh.

he's been on tour for a little bit more than a week, and the album is supposed to drop that day in a couple of hours. she hasn't talked to him in over a day.

mia's not gonna lie, it sucks not talking to josh as much as she's been used to. she misses his funny texts, his constant worry on whether or not she's doing okay and how her classes are going. her and jenna are pretty much in the same boat, so their whole energy is off because both of them are moping around.

👑princess mia👑 : can't wait to hear the album, already got it on preorder xo

after staring at the screen for a few minutes, she realizes that her class is about to start so she locks her phone and tries to pay attention.

her professor begins lecturing about the importance of writer's voice, and how using your own unique way of writing makes you stand out. mia aimlessly played with the strings of her sweatshirt as she listened and began to think of what she wanted to write for her classwork assignment. after half an hour the class was free to work, so mia opened up microsoft word and began typing.

she started out by writing a narrative about her first concert when she was fourteen years old, but half way through she realized that she wasn't really putting herself into her writing. she was pretty much just half-assing it, just to get something to write.

after a little hesitation she opened a new blank document and started typing again, this time about something that was weighing heavy on her heart.

the last time i missed someone this bad, i was ten and my mom was forcing me to go to summer camp for two weeks.

i had cried the entire car ride, and even after my mom dropped me off i was still a mess of tears. homesickness, i realized, was the worst thing i could've ever felt.

but after not seeing you for a little more than a week, i think it's safe to say that missing you is way worse.

i'm still trying to wrap my mind around the concept that you can know someone for only a month and already be so involved with them. i have friends that i've known for over a year that i'm not even as close with. i'm not sure what it is about you that's making me feel this way, but what i am sure about is that i want to keep feeling this way for as long as possible.

even on the bad days, when all i wanna do is just stay in my bed with the curtains shut and the blankets over my head, i still smile because i remember that i know you, and that is definitely something to smile about.

when you're not here, i feel homesick. and i know that's crazy because i'm the one that's in columbus, and you're the one who's gone. but i really feel like all i want to do is be home. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i feel at home when you're here. when we're sitting on top of your car with out chipotle bowls that have guac on the side, and when we're driving back to my apartment (or yours, on fridays and tuesdays) and you put your hand on my knee because i get so damn shaky, and i'm messing with the radio until i find a half decent song, or i give up and use the aux cord. those are my good days. those are when i'm home.

i'm really not trying to complain about your career. i love that you love what you do, and i think that's so important. a lot of people get stuck with boring jobs because they don't follow their hearts, and i'm extremely fortunate that i know someone that's passionate and lives their live to the fullest.

it just sucks, just a little bit, that i can't be with you right now. i haven't even touched the netflix remote. isn't that pathetic? i'm too scared that after having little binge dates, watching it alone will just make me feel worse. so i've been slacking on finishing up season ten of supernatural, but that's okay, because we can catch up together when you come home.

i can't wait till you get back so that i can tell you that i, amelia martinez, am falling hopelessly in love with you,

joshua dun.

as mia finishes typing out his name, a sense of realization sweeps over her at the fact that she just admitted to herself that she's in love with josh.

she deletes the letter, closes out of the document, and then continues on writing the stupid story about her stupid first concert, and how all of her was glowing with happiness that night.

it feels harder the more she writes it, because you can't really write about happiness accurately unless you're feeling that happiness.

and while she's writing her shitty excuse of an assignment paper, she feels her phone buzz.

yoshua💕 : 'we don't believe what's on tv' is about you