semi-automatic ; j.d

fourty seven ; scratchy tights & little girl dresses

"i look ridiculous."

"you look nice."

"well i feel ridiculous."

mia sighs at her brother and gives him a disapproving shake of her head. "maybe you wouldn't feel that way if your tie wasn't crooked," she muses and stands up from the foot of his bed, walking over to where anthony is scrutinizing himself in the mirror.

"oh," says the teenager with blushing cheeks when he realizes that his pale blue tie is crooked.

she grins, "lemme fix it," she insists before stepping up on her toes and straightening the tie.

"better?"

"better." mia nods with a warm smile. "now c'mon, abuela will kill us if we're late."

it's easter sunday. like every year, mia gave into her mothers plea and agreed to go to the traditional church service with her family.

when she was a child, this meant wearing powder pink dresses and scratchy tights. her mom would tie a bow in her hair, the same color as her dress and matching flats, and her and her siblings would all sit together on the stiff wooden pews silently protesting. and every year, without fail, her abuela would scold them for not paying attention to the sermon.

now, however, mia wasn't forced into little girl dresses. or the tights. and as long as she showed up, her abuela didn't really care about anything else.

everything with her family seems to be settled down, for the most part. from what mia had heard, her stepdad was put in jail. and her mom had already filed for the divorce. so that's one problem thankfully solved.

there still remains the problem of josh.

mia hasn't talked to him in over a month. and in that time, she's started hating herself more and more. not seeing him is one thing, but knowing that she's the reason they broke up is eating her alive.

but josh doesn't deserve this, she reminds herself. you'd be selfish if you let him stick around to deal with your mess.

the worst part? she can't stop thinking about him, how her heart aches to just call him and hear his voice and tell him that she's sorry. sorry for hurting him and ruining everything. ruining them.

"mira preciosa," her mom tsks when she comes downstairs alongside anthony. "you two look so cute. where's your brother? eddie--!"

"i'm right here, jesus," says the twenty-three year old as he walks out of the kitchen with a cup off coffee in his hand.

tatiana clicks her tongue at him and makes a gesture for him to go stand next to mia and anthony. "i wanna get a picture of all of my beautiful kids together."

"where's raf?" asks anthony, referring to the eldest of the four children, rafael.

"he's meeting us at church," their mother says with a dismissive wave before holding up her cell phone. "and for the love of god, boys, can you at least smile?"

mia grins as she's sandwiched between her two brothers. even in heels she's not as tall as her skyscraper siblings.

tatiana cooes happily as she clicks the camera circle on her phone. "bendito, my beautiful babies. you get your looks from me, you know."

mia refrains from pointing out the fact that her mom can only say that because they don't remember their father. mia likes to think of him sometimes, all tall and dark and mysterious. when she was little, her mom would tell her stories about him, and how he swept her off her feet when they were teenagers. how they fell deeply in love.

and then of course, when tatiana would have enough glasses of wine, she would tell mia about the fact that he left right after rafael was born. and how he came back, two years later, and managed to convince her to give him another chance. of course that didn't work out, obviously, because they were happily together until tatiana got pregnant again. after eddie was born it happened all over again, which led to mia, and then anthony.

"i loved him," her mother had said to seven year old mia, who was too young to comprehend the idea of love. "he gave me the world, and then when he left, it left with him. and every time he came back i would fall for him all over again. eventually, beba, i realized that you have to stop waiting for people that you know will hurt you."

mia wonders if josh will wait for her.

"d'you think we look like him?" mia asks her younger brother who's sitting beside her on one of the church pews.

anthony frowns. "look like who?"

"like our real dad," she clarifies while playing with the hem of dress. it's different from the pink, tulle dresses she had to wear when she was a little kid. this one is red and floral with short sleeves and a scoop neck.

"oh," he says back. "i don't know, maybe. do you even remember what he looks like?"

mia shakes her head. "no. i think i was two when he came back the last time. rafael was probably six, but he always says that he doesn't remember."

"i think it's better that way," anthony says, his voice quiet. he glances around the church absentmindedly. everyone is dressed in their best clothes, which includes a plethora of pastel skirts and uncomfortable dress shoes. little kids sit with brewing, pouty expressions while adults stand around chattering.

"hey," he says after a few quiet minutes, turning a bit to look at mia. "i thought you broke up with that josh guy?"

mia is looking down at her phone when he says this. "yeah, i did."

"then why is he here?"

"what?" she asks incredulously, snapping her head up just in time to see josh walking down the isle. he has on a white dress shirt tucked into black pants and a black tie. before she can move over to the end of the pew, josh sits down next to her.

he has this shit-eating grin on his face as he takes a look at mia. "hey."

"what the hell are you doing here?" she demands with disbelief, because josh is there, he's not in some state across the country, he's right next to her.

josh gives her a mock-gasp of shock. "language, this is a church."

mia opens her mouth to say something back, but the voice of the pastor now standing at the front of the church interrupts her.

"shh, the service is starting," says josh while holding up a finger to his lips. the grin on his face says that he didn't just randomly show up at some church in ohio and casually run into mia.

he planned this.