semi-automatic ; j.d

forty ; in which josh leaves his heart

mia raced out of her advanced fiction writing class as soon as the hour was up, waving a lazy goodbye to zach as she quickly left the lecture hall.

once she got to her car, she carelessly tossed her bag into the backseat and put the keys in the ignition. her eyes barely glimpsed at the speedometer as she drove.

when she gets to josh's apartment, he's already putting his suitcase into the trunk of tyler's car. it's almost four, and their flight is for five thirty.

"hey," she greets breathlessly, tucking her car keys into her coat pocket as she approaches josh.

he glances at her with a half-hearted smile. "hi, babe."

she steps up on her toes to give him a kiss. "i'm sorry i'm late. my professor took forever to finish."

"s'okay," shrugs josh, even though if he had it his way he would've canceled all of mia's classes for that day and had to all to himself. "you're here now."

"i just wish i could've been here earlier," she admits.

"me too."

mia wraps her arms around his middle without saying anything and hugs him tight. she's been mentally preparing herself for this ever since she found out that he was leaving, and even still the twisting in her stomach hasn't gone away.

"it'll go by fast," josh says as his own arms circle around her. he hugs mia close to his chest. "three months are gonna feel like nothing, i promise"

bullshit.

she doesn't care that it's cold out, or that it's snowing and her cheeks are already turning red. being with josh makes her feel warm, and she's not so sure that she'll stay like that without him.

"i love you," he reminds her. "a lot."

mia closes her eyes and nods. "i know."

tyler and jenna come out through the apartment complex double doors. the pretty blonde girl has one of her hands entwined with tyler's.

"hey," exhales tyler, giving mia a smile as he walks over to the car. he tries to take his time loading up his suitcase next to josh's, but he can't stop time from ticking on.

as he sits in the backseat next to mia, josh plays with her fingers. he studies the way her smaller hand fits in his, how her nails are painted black but always have chips in the coat of charcoal hue. he wants to remember these things while he's away.

"the second i find out what we have planned for our off days, i'll look for flight tickets," he tells her.

mia nods. she doesn't bother telling him that the likeliness of her actually flying out to visit him is slim to none, that it's almost impossible for her to not be in class or not have work at the same time that josh won't be playing a show. she doesn't have the heart to say that.

"okay."

"and i'll skype you as much as possible," josh continues, nodding his head with a hopeful smile on his face. like he's trying to convince not only her, but also himself that this won't be hard.

"okay."

he kisses the top of her head and goes back to fiddling with her fingers. it's quiet for the rest of the drive to the airport, where the rest of the crew are waiting.

"do you think you can promise me something?" josh asks mia quietly while he stands across from her outside the gate.

she nods slowly, because right now she'd do anything for him. "yeah, of course."

he smiles sadly and tucks a curl behind her ear. "promise me that if you start feeling sad, you'll tell me. even if it's some ridiculous time and i don't even respond right away, just let me know. don't keep me in the dark."

i can't even manage to keep myself out of the dark, mia thinks to herself. what he's asking is something that she would've disagreed to if it was anyone else.

"i promise," says the brunette. she laces her fingers behind his neck and looks up at him. "but i don't want you losing sleep over me."

josh shakes his head. "you're worth it," he says insistently, voice firm and not wavering. "you're worth every possible hour i could spend sleeping. i was serious when i said that you were my everything, mia."

"i love you," mia says. the words feel like second nature to say, because she wants him to know that. that she loves him.

he exhales sadly and pulls her in close so she's against him. "god. i love you, too, baby."

mark stands at the door of the gate, whistling for josh. "we start heading in, man."

"okay," nods josh, glancing at mark with acknowledgement. he looks down at mia and wipes a tear from her cheek.

she swallows. "have fun," is what she says as she takes his warm hands in his and gives them a squeeze. "just don't be stupid."

he laughs at that. "i'll try not to be. do you think you can do me one more thing?"

"anything."

"take care of my heart," says josh. he leans down and kisses her sweetly, like all the words he could possibly say to her in that moment are transferred from his lips to hers. "it's beating for you."

mia nods. she doesn't know what she can say that won't make her cry, so she just gives him a small smile. "i will. be good to mine, yeah?"

he holds up one of his hands that are laced with hers and kisses their fingers, keeping his eyes locked with mia as he puts it on the left side of his chest. "always, princess mia."