semi-automatic ; j.d

one hundred and six ; a bunch of faulty condoms & another talk with tyjo

zach is the first person to offer mia a drink.

he's also the first (and only) person to shove a fist full of condoms into hands.

"here's a present," he tells her, humming contently. "i'm doing the world a favor."

mia's face flushes as she quickly tries to hide the foil wrapped squares. she's not exactly wanting her family to see her holding about fifteen or so condoms, especially not her gossiping aunts.

hispanic aunts are ruthless.

"zach!" her eyes dart around, making sure that no one's looking. "take these back, i don't have anywhere to put them."

he grins, holding his hands up in defense. "well looks like you'll have to put them all to use then."

"oh right, let me just fuck josh in front of my family. nothing weird about that."

"hey," says zach. "you don't even wanna know how many times i've blown eli in the bathroom at my mom's house."

"i wasn't gonna ask."

"well good, because honestly i lost count a long time ago, we have a special love for bathroom hook ups," he sighs and takes a sip from his wine glass. well, more like a gulp, but still.

he points at the condoms that mia's still holding and goes, "i poked holes in all of those, by the way. you're welcome."

she stares blankly at him. "why would you give me condoms with holes in them?"

"because i wanna be an uncle while i'm young and beautiful, before i get old and gross. no one wants to be the old and gross uncle. i wanna be the cool uncle."

"okay if anything you'd be the slutty uncle," she states. "and you've got a couple more years until that happens."

zach groans dramatically. to him, of course, this is a viable response. he's being denied the right to being an uncle of a jia baby, how could he not get upset?

"you should totally reconsider that," he says. "if you want my opinion-"

"i don't."

"i knew you did. anyways," zach smiles brightly. "i think you should start popping out babies. for the good of the world."

"what does the world have to do with this?" she frowns.

"it's your civilic duty to bless the world with jia babies," he says, putting a hand on his hip. he has on a baby pink dress shirt and black dress pants, hair messily quaffed. one thing mia's learned through her friendship with the...unique male is that he always looks good wherever he goes.

mia rolls her eyes. "the world's gonna have to wait on that one."

zach huffs, "buzzkill. hey! do you wanna buy a puppy?"

"that just might be the strangest transition you've ever used."

"is that a yes?"

"why are you asking me if i want to buy a puppy?" she asks with confusion.

zach's smile turns to one of a proud parent. he touches his chest like he's trying to keep himself from getting emotional. "alfonzo's giving birth soon. i'm gonna be a puppy grandpa, can you believe it?"