What I Really Want To Say

Inspiration.

"I found it!"

"Found what Travis?" Danny questioned.

"My inspiration again. I found it!"

"What triggered the sudden inspiration Trav?" Hunter was sipping his soda.

"Um. I uh. I met someone today in the dog park."

"Does she have a name? Did ya get her digits?" Danny yelled.

"Its Megan. And yes. I did." He replied beaming.

Travis' bandmates were extatic about him finding inspiration. They were also happy that he was smiling and genuinely happy for the first time in awhile. What a lot of people didn't know about Travis was that he thought he found the one. He was going to ask this girl to marry him someday. Travis was all ready, showered, clothed, and headed out the door when he got a phonecall from her parents. Her father was crying on the line. Something wasn't right. She was on her way to the restaurant for their five year anniversary. She got in an accident. Travis choked out a sob and asked if she was okay. Her dad again began to cry silently on the phone again as he whispered the next words. A drunk driver hit her. S-sh-shes gone.

Travis still hadn't fully coped with her sudden death. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. He didn't talk to anyone. He sat in the silence of his room for weeks on end crying. Travis had lost a lot of weight during that time due to not eating, and was now skinnier than he ever was. His bandmates had been nice and took him out to eat several times, offering him huge meals, to which all Travis declined. He didn't feel like eating. He didn't feel like doing anything. He wanted to sleep and never wake up so he could meet up with her up there. The only thing that was holding him back was his family and bandmates. He saw what her death did to him and never wanted to wish that on them. Travis replied to the pain he felt inside with physical abuse to his body. He cut.

He felt like this could help him, but it only made him worse. He became smarter with his cutting. He started to cut his hips and his upper thighs more. Certainly no one would see unless if he went swimming. He can make up an excuse for not wanting to go. Travis feared his own thoughts. What if they saw the scars? What would they do? Would they put me in a mental house? The questions haunted him. He developed insomnia and when he did sleep he had vivid nightmares. He wanted it all to go away. He wanted to go back to when everything was normal.

"What are you waiting for? DETAILS. NOW." When it came to gossip, Danny was a total girl about it. Travis laughed and replied.

"Okay. Well, Elvis ran off over to her and her boyfriends dog-"

"She has a boyfriend?"

"Um. Yeah. But, we talked for a while. Shes a singer. We went to starbucks and talked more. Then she had a meeting to go to with her manager. Thats it."

"Thats it?"

"Well, her single comes out tomorrow. And i found out her boyfriend is in Varsity Fanclub."

"Travis. They're signed to the same label we are."

"What?"

"So is a Megan Jennings. Is that her?"

"I didn't get her last name. I'm such an idiot. I should've-"

"Travis. Quit beating yourself up kid. Getting her last name isn't that big of a deal. You have her number. Ask for her last name."

"Thanks Danny."

"Drew! Check out this sweet Camaro in the parking lot!" Hunter beamed seeing his favorite car.

"Camaro? Is it yellow?"

"Um yeah. Why Trav?"

"I think its her car."

The boys walked into the lobby of the huge building. Travis' face was lit up, like a kid searching for the prize in his cereal on a Sunday morning. He checked the schedules on all three of the meeting room doors to only see her initials on the very last date. Her meeting just got out. Travis was running throughout the building, frantic to find the girl who he was sure would be his someday. Travis turned the corner a little too quick and ran smack into what seemed to be a wall. Or a person.

"Im so sorry, i should've looked where i was-Megan?"

"Travis, we really need to stop meeting like this. Haha." The young girl replied rubbing her arm.

"Im so so so sorry. Are you okay?" Travis panicked.

"Trav, im fine. Just a bump. Promise." She smiled which sent away all of Travis' worry. "Are these the bandmates you were telling me about?"

"Yes, this is Danny, Hunter and Drew." The ginger blushed almost as red as his hair.

Danny noticed. Travis was falling for someone with a boyfriend. The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to get hurt again. Travis has already gone through so much and didn't deserve any of it.

"Hi! Im Megan. Nice to meet you." She shook all their hands. "Sorry to cut our meeting short but i have to pick up a dog im watching. Haha. See you guys around!" She smiled wide and waved. Travis smiled to himself.

"Travis! You should ask her to be Juliet in our video!" Hunter smiled like he just won an award.

"I've only known her for a day.."

"Okay. Give her a week. She'll do it for sure."

"You really think so?"

"I know so bro."

"You boys know Megan?" That was their manager Darren.

"We just met her today. Shes really nice and down to earth." Travis quickly talked.

"Her birthday is next month. The label is throwing her a suprise party. They asked you to come and if you you're up to it, to perform a few songs. Is that okay?"

"Yes! But what sould we get her?" Hunter piped in.

"I have an idea." Travis whispered.