What I Really Want To Say

I Hate Hospitals.

-Travis-

My heart was racing on the way to the hospital. I thought Megan was dying. Puking up blood? Thats definately not normal. Not normal at all. I don't know what i would do if something would happen to her. If she died i'd be inreparable. I finally accepted Eva's death and had gotten over her, theres no way i could do that again any time soon. All of this was too much for me. I tried to push everything from my mind and focus on Megan.

I kept rubbing her back and moving the hair from her face. Her head was laying on my lap and her feet were on Alex's. Thomas was driving us, probably because he was the most composed of the group. Jack stayed to tell people where we went.

When we reached the hospital, i carried Megan inside. Her arms were slinked around my neck and her legs were wrapped around my torso. She buried her head in my shoulder. 

Thomas checked her in and we sat down. She sat on my lap hugging me and Alex was rubbing her back. 

It only took a few minutes for a nurse to bring her back and only Thomas could go in with her. So i sat in the cold chair in the waiting room tapping my foot trying not to have an anxiety attack. Alex would try to make conversation a few times but he would tell that i wasn't in the mood.

"It's gonna be okay." Alex looked over at me.

"I hope so." I whispered. 

Twenty more minutes had passed and i was getting more nervous by the moment.

"Sorry to bother you both, but are you Alex Gaskarth and Travis Clark?" I looked up at the nurse who was smiling. She was young, and probably wanted a picture or something.

"Yeah. We are." Alex responded.

"I was just wondering what you two were doing here. Is everything okay?"

"Actually i haven't heard anything from my girlfriend in almost half an hour. Is Megan Jennings okay?" I was trying to not rip my hair out.

The nurse touched her iPad a few times and looked back at me. "She had an ultrasound done."

"Shes pregnant?" Alex looked baffled.

"No, you idiot. Thats pretty much impossible. She's chaste." 

"We had to check her stomach and make sure everything was okay. She did throw up blood right?" I nodded my head and the nurse looked at her iPad again. "About five minutes ago she was getting a MRI scan of her head."

"Is that normal?"

"With the frequent headaches and the amnesia she had, we just want to be sure that everything is okay. Just a precaution, really."

"Thank you." She nodded and hurried off to wherever she was supposed to be going.

"See Travis? Everything is gonna be fine." Thats what you think. Alex didn't know half of my problems. I didn't need him telling me things were going to be okay when they weren't. I'm being irrational, i know, but i'm worried. I could feel my arms tingling and i wanted nothing more to scratch at them but that feeling in my gut was telling me i shouldn't.

Another twenty minutes were spent with me pacing back and forth in the small waiting room, checking my phone for the time, and trying not to panic more than i actually was. Jack, Danny, Rian, and Cassadee found their way to the hospital and were sitting in the small room with us. Jack and Alex were focused on the nurses while Rian was holding Cassadee's hand while she tapped her foot anxiously. I wanted nothing more than to do that. Hold Megans hand and know she was okay. Danny was sitting next to me on the phone with someone.

"Danny." He looked over. "No matter what i say or do, i need you to make sure i don't pull my sleeves up." I felt crushed when i saw him frown.

"Travis, c'mon. You can do this."

"I'm two seconds away from having a panic attack. Danny i've been sitting here for almost an hour with no words! We don't know anything!"

"We know her stomach's fine, Trav. The nurse told us that. She was getting a MRI last and who knows how long that takes." Alex sent over a pity smile. 

I focused my attention back to my hands.

"Savannah's only two hours away now." Danny stared at his phone.

"How? They were supposed to stay the night in Texas i thought?"

"Well, they decided to just sleep on the way here. They've been speeding to make up time. Deb needs to be here too."

"I just- ..i just need to know she's okay, Danny. When i get nervous or scared like this you know what i do. And you know i hate hospitals so much. It's not looking good for me right now." 

"Do you really think she would want you doing that Travis? No. She wouldn't. I want to know if she's okay too, ya know. You're not the only one worried about her." 

Danny's words stung. I know he would've been harsher if we weren't in the middle of a public place. I sat my head in my hands and tried taking deep breaths.

"Travis?" My head bolted up to find Thomas standing there looking straight at me.

"Is she okay?"

"She wants to see you." I jolted up off of my chair and walked behind Thomas.

"Thomas, is she okay?" He didn't answer. 

He opened the door and i saw Megan in a hospital bed looking straight at a wall. She had a couple hospital bracelets on and an IV hooked up to her. Thomas walked back out of the room.

"Baby?" She gazed over. He eyes were red from crying and she just looked.. empty. "Are you okay?" I sat down on her bed next to her. She sniffled a few times before placing her head on my chest. She hugged me and started to bawl her eyes out. She was crying so hard.. I did the best i could to console her and rub her back, placing a kiss to her hair every now and then. "It's gonna be okay." I whispered.

She sat up. "No. It's not."

"Baby, what's wrong?" She started to play with her hands. "Megan, you can tell me anything. I'm gonna protect you the best i can." She wiped her nose.

"I don't think you can protect me from a brain tumor, Travis."