What I Really Want To Say

My Secret's Out.

Christmas came and passed, and unfortunately my family had to go back to Missouri. My parents went back to work, but Thomas was still with me. Thomas left when i did. And again unfortunately, so did Travis. I was going to begin my first two month tour journey on the 'Work Hard, Love Harder' tour. The Summer Set, Hey Monday, Hot Chelle Rae, and Cobra Starship would be on the adventure with me. Travis leaves for the 'Dirty Work' tour. All Time Low, The Ready Set, and Forever the Sickest Kids are gonna be with him. 

Two months. Two entire months without seeing Travis. Our tour didn't even cross paths once. Mine stopped in Missouri, so i could see my family again, and it even stopped in San Diego so i could see Thomas. But at least i had Cassadee, Audrey, Vicky T, and Jess to keep me sane. Trav's tour was all dudes.

But i tried to spend all the time i could with all my friends before i had to leave. I had a few interviews here and there, band practice, meetings, and packing all my shit into bags consuming my time i had left. Travis had the same.

He came to my house yesterday wearing a short sleeve t-shirt. I've never seen him wear one in my entire life. I almost cried. He was just so happy and comfortable with himself and getting back to his original self. I never knew the 'original Travis', but Danny was telling me that he kept getting better and better everyday. Even I could see that. I highly doubted that he even needed to go to a therapist anymore. But he was still looking at people and wanted to find the right one for him. 

Right now he's sitting in my closet throwing all his favorites from my wardrobe into a suitcase. He's wearing another short sleeve T, and when he smiles i know its genuine. Not that it wasn't before, but i can see more of it now. 

"Starbucks break?" He asked while throwing another shirt into bag.

"You really had to ask? Duh." 

Driving in silence usually bothered me, but it was a peaceful quiet. Like an 'everything is okay in my life at this moment' quiet. And it really was.

Starbucks was kinda empty. I ordered my usual, Travis got a hot chocolate, he hates coffee and i do not know how, and also got his usual cookie. His excuse for not liking coffee was 'when i was six i ate a coffee bean at publix and puked all over!' Lame.

As he started to pay a group of teenagers, boys and girls, came in through the front doors. A couple of them must have reconigized us because they kinda stopped walking and stared. The blonde one who had bieber hair walked over to me. 

"My brother is not gonna believe this! Can i get a picture with you?"

"Yeah, no problem!"

The girls walked over to Travis and we kinda formed one big group. They took a lot of pictures and promised to tweet us them, and i said i would do my best to reply. 

The ride back to my house wasn't quiet, but filled with random talk about this and that. 

I sat on my couch and checked twitter, while watching whatever was on TV.

@MeganJennings: Met some awesome fans today at starbucks with Trav! If you're reading this tweet me them pics!(:

I saw that Travis tweeted too.

@travisrclark: I love meeting fans. :) Nothing makes me happier. Good day with my lady!

I walked upstairs to my room to find Travis asleep on my bed. Who's lazy now? Instead of questioning anything, i just snuggled up next to him and drifted off myself.

                                                                        **********

"They know." Travis had teary eyes and was looking at my laptop. His phone was out and my TV was turned onto TMZ. 

I yawned. "Who knows what?"

"EVERYONE! Everyone knows now! They all know i cut myself! Just look at my replies! Look at TMZ! I'm getting calls and text messages from everyone!"

"How did they find out babe?" I rubbed his back.

"Remember those 'fans' we met today? They took pictures. I was stupid and didn't wear a long shirt and they saw! Pictures are all over! They know everything now!" He started to breakdown. 

"Trav, Trav, Trav. It's gonna be alright babe. I promise." I wiped the tears from his eyes and kissed his lips.

"No. Not this time. Just look!" He pointed at the TV.

"Today pictures were released of lead singer Travis Clark from the band We The Kings, and his hot lead singer girlfriend Megan Jennings at starbucks. Fans were taking photos with them and when they got home they discovered strange markings on Travis' arms. Our first thought? He has a dog, and a girlfriend, he could get those from anything. But lets zoom in. There. Thats no scratches folks, thats cut marks. Looks intentional to me."

No words could describe anything. Travis' manager kept calling, Deb called, the guys called, people even started to call me. Travis was laying on my bed still sobbing and i felt like shit knowing that i really couldn't do anything to help. I felt like crying myself, but i knew that wouldn't make the situation any better and Travis would probably feel worse. 

I continued to rub his back and looked over a few minutes later to find him asleep. I finally looked through my phone and responded back to only Deb, Trav's manager, Savannah, and the guys from WTK.

I went downstairs to get something to relieve my headache. I really didn't notice that a few tears were slipping from my eyes.

"Megs, whats wrong?" It was Thomas. He walked over and brought me into a hug. I wasn't even thinking but i just broke down. He didn't say a thing but kept hugging me and rubbing my back. 

"A lot."

"Can you explain please?"

"Check my twitter, check Trav's twitter, check TMZ, Jesus it's everywhere by now!"

He looked at his phone for a few minutes while i closed my eyes. 

"Megan the only think you can do is have his back. You gotta be his support in this hard time. He needs someone. We can talk about it later, okay? Right now just go be with him. If you need anything call me and i'll bring it upstairs." 

Thomas gave me another hug and handed me some medicine. I quickly took it and headed back upstairs. 

Travis was lying in bed looking at the ceiling. 

"Babe are you okay?"

"I've been better." He sighed and i noticed he wasn't crying anymore. Thats a good sign.

I layed down next to him and he wrapped his arms around me. I nuzzled deep into his side and closed my eyes.

"I love you." He said. "And I don't think i could get through this if you weren't here by my side."