What I Really Want To Say

I Can't Stay Mad At You.

I couldn't believe Travis. I was starting to think he never loved me in the first place. He would've dumped me already if i didn't have this fucking tumor in my head. He just felt bad and stayed with me. Thats probably why he hasn't told his parents. 

I looked at all of the stuff he bought me today. I didn't even ask for most of it. He must really love me if he bought all this.. Maybe i was being rash. But still, why wouldn't he tell his parents about me? Is he embarrased of me? 

My phone buzzed and i had a message.

Alex Gayscarf: Hey! Hows the head, trooper? We got back from tour today(:

Me: Still the same.. I'm not feeling the greatest though.

Alex Gayscarf: Whats wrong? Rian is here too. if you want 2 talk you can come over!

Me: Can Thomas come? He misses his drinking buddy Rian ha. Yeah i need 2 talk to someone

Alex Gayscarf: of course he can. i'll see you in a minute!

I went downstairs and fetched Thomas who was more than excited to come so he could drink with Rian. Thomas missed his friends in San Diego, so i was trying to make up for him having to stay with me for a few months.

I slept the entire twenty minute ride to Alex and Rian's. I fell asleep with my candy and my sundrop still in my hands. The car shook and i felt a door open. Someone threw me over their shoulder and i awoke. I saw cargo shorts and figured it was Rian. It's freezing outside and still the dude doesn't want to wear a pair of pants.

Rian sat me down on the couch next to Alex. Thomas and him walked into the other room and left us. 

"Whats up, buttercup?" Alex reached for some of my candy.

"Back off, Travis got that for me." I frowned remembering what happened earlier.

"What's with the frown?"

"Travis and i got in a fight."

"Oh." He bit his lip.

"Like, our first hardcore fight. And both of us left mad. Thats never happened."

"What was it about?"

"He still hasn't told his parents about me. And its our eight months today and he totally forgot that too! I just don't know what to think." Alex wrapped his arm around my waist and i leaned my head against his shoulder. I was trying my hardest not to cry.

"Listen, I've known Travis for almost five years. He likes to keep things to himself a lot. Thats probably changed because of the past couple years and he just doesn't like to be open to everyone. That probably includes his parents. You gotta think too, the last time Travis introduced his folks to a girl was Eva, and that was like, i dunno, seven years ago maybe?"

"Did you ever meet her?"

"Eva? Yeah a few times too many."

"Did you not like her? I'm afraid to talk to other people about her. If i ask Travis he might break down, and i just don't want that to happen."

"This is just my opinion. And don't tell him i'm telling you this, okay?" I nodded. "I thought she was a total bitch most of the time. What Travis didn't see about Eva was that after his band took off and got kinda popular, Eva liked being in the limelight. They were both just so young, and Travis fell too hard and too fast. I know they were together forever, but they weren't right for each other. They fought a lot too."

"Ya know, the day she died, he was gonna ask her to marry him."

"Really? Shit, man. They would've only been like eighteen. Would you want to get married at your age?"

"Theres no way. It seems like all of his problems come back to her somehow."

"You need to talk to him. You don't have to mention her name, but i really think you both need to talk about her."

"You're probably right. Thanks, Alex. Um, i'm gonna go to his house and try to talk to him. Can you drive Thomas home later? Or let him stay the night?" 

"We'll figure something out. Go get your man." 

I blushed. "Will do." 

Rushing outside i started Thomas' car and headed to Travis and Danny's house. Traffic was horrible and it took me forever. I placed the car in park and ran to the door. I knocked really loud and Danny answered.

"Hey, Megs."

"Hey. Is Travis home yet?"

"He literally got home two minutes ago. He's in his room. I have to leave so please don't kill each other and try to fix whatever happened today." I nodded and he hugged me goodbye before walking out the door.

I walked down the hallway and stopped outside Travis' room. I didn't want to barge in so i decided to knock.

"One second, Danny!" I waited a few seconds before i opened the door. Travis was putting on a hoodie. "Hey."

I bit my lip before answering. "Hey." He grabbed my hand and sat me down on the bed next to him.

"So, uh, my parents would like to meet you." He looked into my eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I told them today at dinner. I'm sorry."

"No, i should be sorry. I should have waited until you were ready to tell them."

"It's okay. I still love you."

"I love you too, Trav." He leaned down to kiss me.

"Let's not fight anymore, okay?"

I nodded. He took my hand and lead me into the living room where we both laid down on the couch intertwined. It was nice. We watched TV and honestly i don't think either one of us paid attention to it. Travis kept playing with my hair and i was drifting off. Travis didn't talk much and it looked like he had something on his mind that was bothering him. I didn't want to bring it up because we just got over our fight and i didn't want to have another one.

I kept thinking about what Alex told me. I knew i should ask about Eva, but i didn't want to upset Trav. I realized i had bigger things to stress about so i pushed it to the back of my mind. But i couldn't help but wonder if i was doing the right thing by waiting to talk about it. 

It wasn't good to stress about anything right now, especially in my condition. I decided to lay back into Travis' side and let sleep overcome my body.