What I Really Want To Say

I Mean It.

My grandma, my grandpa, my uncle, my aunt, and all three of my cousins from Missouri were standing in front of me on stage. I couldn't go to Missouri this year, so Travis brought Missouri to me. It was probably the best thing anyone could have ever done for me. And it made me love him so much more. 

Immediately we all ran towards each other and had a huge family hug in the middle of the stage. I was trying my hardest not to cry but i don't think i was winning..

After a few seconds we all broke away and i pulled on Travis' shirt to get capture him in a hug. 

"I love you so much Travis. Thank you. This is the best present anyone has ever gotten me."

"I knew you would like it." He smiled more and hugged me again. He stayed on stage for a minute while my family and i went back into the greenroom. Jess threw a box of tissues at me and winked.

"Did you know about this Jess?"

"Maybe." She winked again.

Deb walked by hastily and shouted "Ten minutes Megan!" before running to the other side of the venue. 

Travis walked back to my family and I. 

"Ready? Oh, and by the way, Jack and Alex are in the crowd screaming profanities. I was thinking of throwing things at them later. Want in?"

"Still nervous, but when aren't i? And thats nice.. Maybe i'll have Sebastian throw a drumstick at their faces. Haha." 

"Thats my girl. Go get 'em killer!" 

After waving to my family I quickly put in my in ear monitors and adjusted my shoes. As soon as i heard the countdown from ten i took a quick breath. I was doing solely covers tonight and the first cover was Rumor Mill by We Are The In Crowd. It was pitch black when i ran out on stage and as soon as the light hit on the part where the music stops in the beginning, the crowd couldn't stop screaming. I LIVE for moments like that. The adreneline pumping through my veins, the crowd singing along, all of it! We quickly transitioned into 'We're The Shit', and after i took a break to just talk and thank everyone for coming. I got to explain about my family and just talk to my fans for a few minutes, and shortly afterward i hit up 'Imperfect Is The New Perfect.' 

I played a few more songs, we all told some crazy stories, and we even invited a fan onstage to sing with me. She was actually really good, so i had all the guys give her a guitar pick and i made Sebastian throw a drumstick toward her general direction. I'm pretty sure she caught it. 

I played a few more covers and then said my goodbyes. WTK was on next, and i quickly jumped backstage to wish them goodluck. 

They hopped onstage and i figured i could take a quick shower. I headed to my car to fetch my clothes. But before i could manage to get there i was distracted by a too familiar person.. 

"You can't just keep running from me Megan." He took a deep breath.

"I'll run as long as i can."

"Do you really hate me that much?" It wasn't hate.. It was timidness. I was scared of him. Literally afraid of the thought of being alone with him. 

"...No."

"Then why do you keep running? What have i done to you!"

"You changed Drew." He took a step closer and i could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was drunk. 

"How! What did i do?!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"More than you know." I tried to back away but failed. Drew lunged forward and had a death grip on my arm.

"Drew! Let go! That hurts!"

"No! I can never talk to you cause you're always hanging on that ginger cunt and all his friends!"

"Hes my boyfriend Drew.."

"Stop talking about him!" His grip tightened and i couldn't break free.

"Let go Drew.. please!" I begged.

"I love you! Why did you chose him over me? I LOVE YOU! " Did he really still love me?

"You're drunk! Let go!" I yelled for someone, anyone, to save me.

"Im sorry I cheated on you!!"

"What..? You cheated on me!!"

"Back in Germany, I'm sorry! I love you!!"

"Leave me alone and let go of me you asshole!" Where was my Travis when i needed him?

"Dude, what the fuck?" The voice belonged to Alex Gaskarth. 

"Alex! Help me!" I yelped.

He sprinted over. "Dude let her go."

"NO! I love her!!" Drew cried.

"You're just a drunk prick! Let her go!" Drew instantly let go and swung at Alex. He dodged the punch and landed one right in Drew's gut. He fell to the ground as Alex scooped me up and ran to his bus. I started shaking and silently crying. He opened the door and i saw Rian and Zack sitting on the couch playing with the TV.

"What happened?" Rian quickly stood up and walked over to us. Alex passed me over to Rian who whispered in my ear and rocked me back and forth. I saw Jack was on the phone with someone, and Zack and Alex were heated. 

A few seconds later the door slammed open.

"I'm going to kick his fucking ass!" Theres Savannah. She held me as i cried more, and i instantly wanted Travis to be here telling me everything was going to be alright. Savannah tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and got me some tissues. 

"Wheres my family?" I sniffled. "I don't want them to see me like this.."

"Don't worry i haven't told them anything. They're still watching the show. Jess and Brian are with them and i know Jess can hold her own, so if that asshole shows up again Jess will kick his ass. Brians' too much of a pansy." I laughed quietly. Brian couldn't hurt a fly. 

I didn't want Travis to worry about me. I didn't want him to beat Drew up either. 

"Is Travis still playing?" 

"I texted him. He just got done and is looking for you. I told him to meet us here right now but didn't tell him any details." 

"Thanks Jack-o." I could always count on Barakat. 

After a couple minutes, Travis opened the door wearing a heavy smile. He quickly looked my way and dropped it. "Babe? Are you okay?"

"No.." He hugged me tight as i burst into tears again. He rocked me back and forth like Rian had done before. I could hear Alex telling his part of the story.

"Im going to kick his fucking ass!" Travis yelled. 

"I said the same exact thing twenty minutes ago." Savannah butted in. By this time i was done crying. Travis and I sat in the small booth in the front lounge still in All Time Low's bus. 

I didn't say much the rest of the night. Not even when my family and i went to my house. I showed them around, and because it was late, we all went straight to bed. I still had the air mattress out, so my three little cousins slept on that in my room. Travis must have noticed that i wasn't talking much because after everyone went to sleep he decided to stay the night with me. 

"Is everything okay?"

"Not really but yeah." We snuggled closer and i placed my head on his chest.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow. But i've been thinking..."

"About what babe?"

"I'm never crying over him again. I'm not going to fear him, or stop doing something because of him. I'm focusing on my life, my career, and everything i love including you. I'm done with him. And this time i mean it."