What I Really Want To Say

I'll Get Better Sooner Or Later.

Megan was still passed out when my parents left. It was obvious my mom had been crying. My family hadn't met Megan yet and i was damn sure it wasn't happening in the hospital. My brother was in another state and couldn't come, but my sister was planning to see me sometime soon. I guess they didn't realize i took Eva's death harder than they thought..

The guilt began to set in again when i realized that today was the 23rd. Christmas was in two days. Megan's family was at her house, yet she was here with me. I spent a lot of time just staring at her. Her beautiful hair, the way she was curled in a fetal position, what she wore, and I finally noticed that she was wearing my bracelets. It was almost 2:10 when she began to wake. 

She stretched and stood up while yawning. "Don't you ever put me through anything like that ever again Travis Clark!" I couldn't help but look down when she started to silently cry again. "I thought you were dying Trav! I didn't know what to do! I-I jus-" She sat on the edge of the hospital bed and placed her head in her hands. 

"Babe.."

"Dammit Travis let me finish!" 

"Sorry."

"I love you so much. I just wanna know why you would do this? I thought you were better Trav." She laid next to me on the bed looking at her feet the entire time.

"Honestly i thought i was better too... Theres something wrong with my head to make me do this.. And i'm going to have to suffer with it the rest of my life. I-I just don't know Megs. I don't know.." 

The door opened wide and Danny appeared with starbucks and flowers.

"Hows it goin? I know you don't like coffee Trav, so i got you hot chocolate, Megan i got you a frappe, and I just HAD to get my man flowers." He winked.

"Should i give you two a moment or...?" Megan wiped her eyes.

"Ha. Ha. No." I rolled my eyes. Always Danny. The light on the nurse button flashed and a few seconds later my nurse came in. 

"Nice to see you have visitors Mr. Clark. You can eat lunch any time now, and you can either go down to the cafeteria, or you can eat here." 

"I just wanna get up and walk."

"Well, you would have to go in a wheelchair."

"I guess thats okay."

"I'll go fetch one and then we'll be on our way!" 

"Thanks."

Megan got to push me down to the cafeteria and scooted me down at a table. Surprisingly the TV there was playing music videos, thats really unlikely. I was expecting Animal Planet, or the Travel Channel, or something boring like that. There was a lot of people here too and it was making me self conscious. Just what i needed.

Megan walked back with a tray full of what looked like shit on a plate, but i knew i had to eat at least some of it. 

A little girl was sitting alone at a table. Someone who looked like her sister sat down next to her with her food, and the older sister watched TV. She constantly snuck peeks at the younger sister who was eating with a smile on her face. How could you be happy and eat this crap? But the older sister looked broken. I could tell something was wrong, but only because i had been there before and know what its like.

Megan reached over and snached my jello. Danny was playing the air drums and checking out all the nurses..

"What if i wanted that huh?" I smirked over at her.

"Too bad Trav, i know you hate jello." She winked. I LOVE it when my girl winks at me. Its just so hot when Megan does it.

I stared at what seemed to be pizza on my plate. Ugh. Even if i wanted to eat, this would be my last choice.