What I Really Want To Say

Are You Okay?

Travis and I were watching all the Saw movies in order and we were five minutes into the second one. I dove under the covers and grabbed Travis' body trying to hide my face from the flatscreen. He cringed a little. Was it from the movie? Or did he start again... I really hope its from the movie. 

I drifted off into the living room to the kitchen to grab a soda for us, but i couldn't help but wonder if he started cutting again. I was pretty sure he stopped, but what caused him to go back into a depression? He seemed pretty happy today. He was laughing even. I don't want to ask him cause that might trigger something... I guess ill just wait and see.

I wandered back into my room and slowly climbed back into the covers. Another scary scene came on and back to Travis' legs i hid. He suddenly cringed again which caused me to pause the movie and look him in the eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't i be?" 

"Trav. You're cringing. Why?"

"Um. Its the movie, ya know its just that its scary and all..."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Yes." He whispered. 

"Let me see Trav." I barely whispered back.

He lifted up his shorts to reveal several red scars on his upper thigh that looked a couple hours old. 

"Why do you do it? I don't understand. Enlighten me Travis. It seems that everyone else knows except me."

"WHY? Why do i do this?! You want to know?!" He raised his voice. "Im clinically depressed! Because a year ago to this day my first and only girlfriend died in a car accident. A year ago to this day i was going to ask her to marry me. A year ago to this day i got a call from her father crying, the call that changed my life forever. Today would be our 6th year of being together! And shes not even here anymore! I haven't said her name in a year! It still hurts too much! There! Are you happy now?!" He started to breakdown and cry.

I ran over to him and immersed him in a giant hug. He's comforted me so much, now it was my job to return the favor.

"I miss her soo much Megan." He croaked between sobs.

"I know Trav, i know." I replied rubbing his back. 

"I just want to see her again.." He responded letting go.

"You will one day. She'd want you to be happy Trav. She loved you and she probably wants you to move on."

"I know you're right but i can't Megan. I just can't get over her. She was my everything.. And now i have nothing."

"No you don't! You have Danny, Drew, Hunter, Charles, Alli, your family, Elvis, Savannah, a whole bunch of crew and band members and you have me. You're not alone Trav. You really aren't. Everyone loves you! Think of your fans. They love you too! Hell, some of them would probably die for you."

He threw me into another hug and and after a few minutes i took him over to my bed and made him lie down with me. He covered up and curled into a ball. I pulled my phone out and sent a text to Danny.

Megan:

He told me everything. Its the one year anniversary today Dan.. He broke down. He even cut again. I've gotten him to sleep finally, but please be here in the morning for him. Bring Hunt and Char. 

I kicked my shoes off and dove under the covers next to Travis. I don't think he was asleep yet, but i stuck my arms around him and drifted off.

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"My thigh hurts.." Travis croaked when he woke up. 

"I'll bandage it. I'll be right back." I got up from my bed to go downstairs to find the bandaids, neosporin, and some food. I forraged in a few cabinets, and with Jessicas help i found everything i needed. What would i do without her? Shes only a few years older than me and shes a miracle worker. 

"I found the stuff Trav. Take off your shorts."

"W-what why?"

"Travis. Im gonna put bandaids on your thigh, im not gonna grope you or anything. Strip to your underoos."

"Underoos? Really?"

"Do you want me to bandage you or not?" I smirked.

"Yes.." He replied taking off his shorts and laying back on my bed. 

I looked at him softly while i applied neosporin to all the cuts. I saw him wince a little at the pain. I put a few bandaids on the cuts before sealing every single one with a kiss. 

Travis stood up and put his shorts back on. I enveloped him into a hug. 

"Travis.. Promise me you'll never do this again."

"I can't..I can only try.."

"Travis.. Please.. For me?"

"I promise." He whispered as he pulled me closer. 

"Thank you."

Jessica popped her head in the door. 

"Good morning Ms. Megan, Mr. Clark! You have visitors!" She smiled and made her way down the stairs. 

We followed after her to see Hunter, Danny, and Charles, with his camera, all waiting by the door. I went up and hugged everyone of them. 

We all headed into the living room and sat around the coffee table.

"Jessica!" I shouted. She arrived in a flash.

"Can you please get me a frappe from the fridge, some Cheerios, and whatever Travis wants to eat? Thank you!" 

"No problem Ms. Megan. Mr. Clark what would you like?"

"Oh im fine. Thanks."

"Travis, you barely ate anything last night. Eat something." I replied.

"Im not really hungry."

"Jessica just bring what i wanted and two bowls of Cheerios. Thank you."

Jessica floated away to bring what i wanted. 

"I wasn't hungry." Travis argued.

"You need to eat." Danny threw back.

"I can make my own decisions guys." Travis stood up and limped off upstairs.

"Why is he limping?" Hunter asked.

"Um.. I don't know how to say this but, uh. Ya know how Trav's been depressed?"

"Yeah since Eva died like last year."

"Thats her name? Eva?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No. He didn't tell me anything about the accident until yesterday. We were watching scary movies and i dove under the covers and hid on his legs. He started to wince when i touched him, so i demanded to look." I took a pause. "He cuts himself." 

"WHAT." Hunter and Charles shouted.

"Why aren't you shocked Danny?" Hunter asked.

"This isn't the first time i've had to come check on him." Danny responded.

"Wait.. So hes been cutting himself for almost a year?" Charles said.

"A year in total. He broke down yesterday.. It was the year anniversary of her death. Thats why he told me." I looked down as Jessica brought me my food. "Thank you Jess." She nodded her head.

"We have to cheer him up somehow." Hunter added.

"Yeah but how?" Danny noted.

"We'll have to find a way." I answered.