Tris is Alive: Aftermath

Chapter 14

Tris POV

    His words cut deep into me, each word cutting deeper and deeper. The man I love is right in front of me, breaking and crumbling. The worst part is that I put him in that position, I made him like that. I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself for this, no matter how many years pass I won't be able to. We hold onto each other as we both cry, him for the pain he went through and me for the pain I caused him. I can see how broken he truly is, he puts up a very strong act when he's in public.

    I don't know where me and Tobias are going to end up after this, I honestly don't. I wish I could say we could forget about this and move forward, but we both know that's impossible to do. He goes on telling me about his pain, how hurt he is by me leaving him. I let him get everything off his chest. Like I said I don't know where me and him are going to end up, but I am going to fight for our love. Even if that takes time, I'm never going to give up. He looks at me, as if he's signaling that I can start. I take a deep breath.

    "Tobias, words cannot describe how horrible I feel about all of this. I never meant to cause you pain, ever in my life. I love you Tobias, I love you so much. You are my family, you we're there when I had no one. Yes, we got on each other's nerves at times but we always did love each other. I just had to start this off by telling you, I didn't choose this. I woke up and Amar is telling me that everyone thinks I'm dead. He gave me something to paralyze me so you all could see my body. I had no say in anything."

    All he does is nod and wipe his eyes, "Yeah I could have came back, but if I did they would have made me stay away from you forever and I couldn't risk it. Every single time they did let me see you, they would do something to make you think it was fake. I left little hints that I was alive because that was the best I could do. I wanted so much to be with you Tobias, don't ever doubt that. I would watch you guys through the cameras, as creepy as that sounds, I did all the time. I saw the pain you were in and it crushed me, I wanted so bad to tell you but I couldn't lose you completely."

    He looks down and grab his hand, "I know you're mad about the whole Bruno thing, but Tobias I wasn't supposed to come back, ever. You never should have found out about me and I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't. It doesn't give me an excuse to move on, but Tobias you need to know how hard it was for me to move on. Amar had to have daily talks with me telling me that I need to be happy, I couldn't be with Bruno without thinking of you. When he kissed me..." I see Tobias tense up. "Which only happened once, all it did was confuse me and made me miss you more. You were the one I thought about. Besides, me and Bruno we nothing serious, we went on a few dates and kissed once. I know this doesn't ease the pain but it's not like I was moving forward with ease."

    "I cried so many times Tobias, so many nights. I would imagine being with you and what our life could have been like. I imagined my life being normal and being with everyone once again. I hoped that the Bureau would one day see my way and that I could come home to you all... they just kept denying me. Tobias I was robbed of everything, it was taken by force from me and I had no say in anything. I love you so much and to know that I hurt you... I can't stand myself for it. I see the pain in your eyes, I can hear it in your voice. Every night when we sleep I feel your arms around me like you think someone is going to take me, that if you don't hold me tight enough I'll disappear. I wish I could make things easier for you but I know it's going to take time for that."

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