Tris is Alive: Aftermath

Chapter 30

Tris POV

    Tobias finally fell asleep, I stroke his cheek as I slowly start getting out of bed. I don't want to wake him up, he needs his rest. I go out to the deck and let the breeze hit my face, it's a nice cool breeze. I look out into the city, it's so noisy but at the same time so quiet. I watch the people below, not much but a few walking around. I look out into the city lights, there's so much more color now in the city of Chicago. I lean forward on the railing, taking a deep breath of the air.

    I stand there for a few moments, just looking at the city. Letting my mind wander about everything in life. Thinking about nothing in general, I want to just forget for a few moments. After a few moments I decide it's time to actually face the truth, to face reality. I love Tobias, I really do. I can't lose him, I can't leave him. I had a bad feeling this isn't the last I'll see of the Bureau, David isn't one to give up so easy. Tobias is the one I picked, I'll always pick him. I let out a sigh just thinking about the future. I know everything is really touchy right now, nothing is really secure. My relationship, my friendships, my stay. All of it can change so quickly, if something were to go wrong then it would all crumble.

    What does Chicago have in store for me? I have no job, no education, nothing. At the same time that is the beauty of it all, I can start anything I want to. I could start an education to become something really big. Or I could jump right into a job and work my way up the ladder to become someone big. Or I could just take some time off and get my life together. Maybe even volunteer somewhere and just do good for the community. So many different possibilities, so many choices.

    I can't help but wonder what my parents would want me to be doing, what their advice would be. A sharp pain strikes in my heart, all the guilt and sorrow coming back. I close my eyes and just let myself feel, there's no point in trying to run away from it anymore. I feel tears well up in my eyes, why can't they be here with me? Oh, it's my fault they are dead. All my fault. I can't even keep Caleb with me and he's alive. Even through all the messed up things he's done, he's still my brother. My brother, my boyfriend, my best friend... all mad at me. I shake my head, I can't be weak now. I can't cry. Tobias will hear and wonder what's wrong, I been putting too much stress on him lately.

    I just... I don't know.

4.11.16

A/N; The one thing I hated about Insurgent was that they ignored Tris Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and made it less visible when in the book she's a wreck. Throughout my writing you'll be able to see Tris PTSD as seen in this chapter.

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