Wildest Dreams

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

I guess I was just really bothered the whole night, at matagal akong nakatulog, kaya't pagkagising ko ay pagod na pagod ako. Sa sobrang sakit ng ulo't katawan ko ay para akong galing sa intense na workout session kahapon. Para akong nag-marathon kahit na sa panaginip ko.

I've never been in so much pain like this before. This is all so new. Simpleng ubo, sipo't lagnat lang talaga ang tumatalab sa akin. Any other kinds of diseases? Dengue? Measles? None of them were strong enough.

Kapag nafa-fatigue naman ako, isang oras na tulog lang, wala na yun. It's like I shake it off my system, and it's gone. Just another hour of nightmare.

Pero ngayon, ilang beses ko nang tulog 'to, pero it's still there. I can literally hear the pulsing of my heart in my ears.

Natatawa ako sa mga iniisip ko, sa mga pumapasok sa utak ko. This only happens when my heart breaks along with my body.

At kung dinalaw na naman ako ng lungkot.

My heart hurt a little nung sinabi sa akin ni Yoshef na kung pwede raw ay hindi na muna ako pumunta sa bahay nila. That's good, right? I mean, he's nothing. Pssh. I just tried to help him with his wounds because he also asked and I was willing to volunteer.

Kasi wala akong ginagawa.

That's it. He was a distraction. Kasi kapag yung mga normal na bagay lang ang iniisip ko, I'll get bored. And I'll probably just drink it all out. Another scorching session with Mr. Alcohol.

Now that I'm alone again, dahil wala na akong planong bumalik pa roon, first off because mukhang pinagtabuyan na ako ni Yoshef, and second because of Xela's irritating presence, I guess it's time I drink.

I can take care of myself.

Napapailing ako habang sumasagi sa isipan ko si Mikael. Every time I think about being alone and being taken cared of, I think of him.

Probably because he was the last guy that I handled. And he was a propo for my job, for Pete's sake! I should be used to the fact that they always end up falling for me and not for their exes.

And I push them away kasi I pretend, yes pretend, that I don't feel the same way. When in fact, I'm just a girl. And I still fall.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng shower. Enough sleeping in. Sa bar ako tatambay. I don't care. Maybe I'll be sober or I'll be drunk. Kuya will take care of me.

Bumaba ako sa bar. It's 5 pm in the afternoon. Good. I'll start early.

Kumpara sa Manila, dumidilim na kapag alas sinko na rito sa Davao. Sa Manila, mga dapit alas syete pa nagsisimula ang buhay sa gabi. Longer start, so matagal ring matapos.

"Ma'am?" It's another bartender. He's still a guy at tila baguhan.

"Give me your best-selling wine. You accept credit, right?" I tried to sound mature. I've always sounded mature. I look like I'm more than eighteen, and I sound like I am a professional.

Tumango siya. "Yes ma'am. This is.."

Hindi na ako nakinig nang inipresenta niya ang name ng wine. I don't know it. Sinuri ko lang ang bottle, and was glad to see na 100% ang alcohol content nito.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"Ma'am, 3,500 for every glass." Sabi niya.

Umiling ako. "I want the whole bottle."

Sumandal na ako sa dingding mga tatlong oras ang nakalipas. It's foolish. Mas maganda sanang magpaka-wala sa ulirat kapag nasa public ka. Like, in clubs. Pero hindi ko pa kasi nararanasan yun.