Wildest Dreams

Chapter Fifty-Three

Chapter Fifty-Three

Unlike before, ay hindi ko na itinago ang sitwasyon ko. I immediately called my brother, and my friends.

Nung una ay hindi muna sumagot si kuya. Naririnig kong nasa ospital pa rin sila.

Tumikhim siya.

"Ilang months na?" Tanong niya.

Umiling ako at umupo sa toilet bowl. I looked at the two parallel lines. Nakabili na ako ng halos sampung pregnancy tests. All of them showed the same results.

I really am pregnant.

Hinawakan ko na namang muli ang singsing sa leeg ko.

Oh, Mikael.. Do you even need to know?

"Hindi ko alam.."

"Magpa check ka."

"Okay." Kahit wala naman akong planong gawin yun. I'm scared. Scared because maybe the pregnancy tests are lying. And also scared, that maybe I'll be happy upon knowing that I am carrying Mikael's blood and flesh inside me.

Nangilid na ang luha ko. I am celebrating both pain and joy alone, in this bathroom. Hinawakan ko ang tiyan ko. It's still flat, but I know there will come a time na uumbok na yun.

And I can't find any signs of regret in my system. I only find...care...love...

This is so wrong. Yes it is wrong. But this is not a mistake. This will never be a mistake.

What is the mistake? Yun ay ang pagbitaw ko kay Mikael. He told me na hindi niya ako iiwan, lalo na sa oras na yun na kailangan ko raw siya.

Maybe he didn't mean my dad's condition after all. Baka may ideya na rin siyang may mabubuo, at hindi niya na ako pakakawalan dahil alam niyang mangyayari ito.

Maybe that's it.

I need him. I need him now.

Dali-dali kong hinanap ang cellphone ko. This is an embarassment, pero tinawagan ko siya. The test still on my hand, I waited for an answer.

Pero tanging ring lang ang dumalaw sa tenga ko.

Umiling na ako. Oh what did I do. I'm so stupid for this.

Si Yoshef na lang ang tinawagan ko pagkatapos. First ring pa lang ay agad niya na itong sinagot.

"Yoshef, I have something to tell you."

Hindi ko alam kung nasundo niya na ba si Mikael o ano. If he's with him now. If he is, then that's good. Maybe he'll say it to Mikael.

"Ano yun, El?"

Lumunok ako. "Kasama mo ba si Mikael?"

"Um, no. Why?"

Tumango ako. Kahit na nadismaya ako sa sagot niya ay okay na rin. Dahil baka hindi pa ako handang malaman yun ni Mikael. Maybe I can say it..with my own mouth..in the right time.

"I'm pregnant."

Hangin lang ang narinig ko sa kabilang linya. Hanggang sa may narinig akong kalabog ng pintuan. Narinig kong suminghap si Yoshef.

"Holy shit, Elena! Who's the father? Is it Mikael?"

Tumango ako at hindi ko na alam kung matutuwa ba ako sa ginagawa kong ito o hindi. This is very risky.

What if may iba na si Mikael ngayon? No way! It's only been a month! Hindi ko pa ngang magawang limutin siya.

"Oo.."