Humorous Crap #Wattys2016

ODDSEH'S VERSION OF YA BURNT

I'VE WATCHED THIS THING ON SETH MYERS CALLED YA BURNT. IT SEEMS REALLY INTERESTING SO I FIGURED I WOULD GIVE IT A TRY. IT HAS FANFIC CLICHES IN IT.
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When the story suddenly changes in the middle of the book.
If the title says 'Vampires' in it, I expect there to be vampires. If it says 'Sci-fi', I expect there to be lasers. It's not that hard! But then there are stories that are like, 'Ok so this story is about a girl and her boyfriend who both have powers. They smooch and hug and have da sex a lot. bUT THEN HALFWAY THROUGH ZOMBIES SHOW UP AND KILL THEM BOTH AND IT TURNS INTO A HUMOR DRAMA ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STORY' and it's like wHOA THERE FRIEND YOU MIGHT NEED TO SLOW DOWN
I CAME TO THIS BOOK TO READ ABOUT SUPERPOWERS. NOT ZOMBIES.
It's like people who always claim to be hot, and then five minutes later say they're cold. YOU CAN'T BE BOTH. PICK ONE OR GTFO. SIDE BURN: TEMPERATURE-INDECISIVE PEOPLE.
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When the main character is super sweet and funny but has no friends.
If you're sooooo great, how do you not have friends? Do you smell? Do you have bad breath? Do you make bad jokes 24/7? DON'T JUST CHUCK THEM IN THERE AND SAY THEY DON'T HAVE FRIENDS. JUST GIVE ME A REASON. JUST A LITTLE ONE'S ENOUGH. IF THEY'RE SO LEGEN(wait for it)DARY THEN THEY SHOULD BE FLOODED WITH TEXTS AND FRIEND REQUESTS NOT EATING THEIR SANDWICH IN THE BATHROOM
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Puns.
I actually hate and love these at the same time. I can't burn these. YOU ASCEND TO SAFETY.
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WHAT'S THAT? A MEGA BURN? OKAY
BOOKS WHOSE TITLES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT'S IN THE BOOK.
WHEN I SEE FANTASY IN THE TAGS, AND READ IT ONLY TO FIND SCI-FI, I GET PISSED.
WHEN I SEE HUMOR IN THE TAGS, AND READ IT ONLY TO FIND DRAMATIC POEMS, I GET PISSED.
BUT WHEN THE DESCRIPTION TALKS ABOUT AN EPIC FANTASY WAR BETWEEN GOOD VS EVIL
AND I FIND THAT 90% OF THE BOOK IS ABOUT MAKING SHIPS CANON
I GO N U C L E A R
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! MY BRAIN CAN'T TAKE IT! IF I READ TOO MUCH GUSHY ROMANCEY STUFF I'LL EXPLODE. AND THAT WOULD BE REALLY GROSS AND MESSY.
IT'S LIKE SIDEBURNS. I DON'T LIKE SIDEBURNS BECAUSE WHEN I HEAR 'SIDEBURNS' I EXPECT TO SEE A GUY WITH THIRD DEGREE BURN SCARS ON THE SIDES OF THEIR FACE. NOT A GUY WHO WAS TOO WIMPY TO GROW A FULL BEARD. SIDE BURN: SIDE BURNS.
NUFF SAID