Humorous Crap #Wattys2016

ODDSEH'S GUIDE TO GETTIN' IT ON

THIS IS A *fancy letters appear on your screen*
DOUBLE FEATURE!
First Half: Oddseh's Patented Guide to Sexual And Romantic Orientation
Second Half: Oddseh's Patented Sex-Ed Course ((NOTE: UNLESS YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS SHIT FOR SOME FANFIC THEN YOUNGER READERS SHOULDN'T READ THAT HALF Unless their parents aren't watching-- NO))

FIRST HALF BEGINS N O W
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ANOTHER NOTE. I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE. THIS IS HOW I UNDERSTAND THE ORIENTATIONS I TALK ABOUT.
All sexual orientations also apply if someone says 'aromantic' or 'homoromantic', etc.
Not sure? That's fine, everyone goes through that phase! Here's a list of different orientations(plus three sorta-subgroups)on a scale to none to all!
Asexual
Not interested. Like, ever. Not in guys. Not in girls. Not in anyone, usually. (See subgroups.)
FUNNY THING: Asexual pirates aren't interested in your booty.
-----Graysexual
Gray is a little confusing. From what I can gather, it's when people aren't interested in smexual relations 95% of the time.
-----Demisexual (Dat's me!)
Only interested if you've formed really close emotional/romantic bonds. I read on one post(I think this is what it said)that demisexuals don't get primary attraction, but anything after that, yes. Pretty much means no one-night stands or hooking up with someone just because.
UPDATE: I realize that I may have offended people by how I explained this. It is honestly more like the second part of my statement. Demisexuals do not feel sexual based on just appearances.
Heterosexual
Also known as straight, vanilla, etc. Means that they're interested in doin' it with the opposite gender. Doesn't need a ton of explanation.
Homosexual
Also known as gay, lesbian, swinging the other way, playing for the other team, etc. Means they're interested in the same gender. Most well-known type of orientation besides heterosexual.
Bisexual
Means interested in both genders, male and female. Also relatively well-known. Sometimes has a preference.
Pansexual
Means interested in all genders. Male, female, trans, you name it. (Does not mean they'll screw anything that moves. People do have standards, after all.)
-----Polysexual
Means they're interested in some genders, but not necessarily all genders. Make sense?
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SECOND HALF
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Q n A

Q: I held hands with someone. Is that sex?
Not sex. Nowhere near sex.
Q: I made out with someone. Is that sex?
Still nowhere near sex.
Q: Someone grabbed my ass. Is that sex?
You're getting warmer.
Q: Someone grinded on me. Is that sex?
NO. Y'KNOW WHAT, HERE
DID HE STICK HIS BREADSTICK IN HER PASTA BOWL.
Q: No.
NOT SEX.
Q: Yes.
THAT'S SEX. WAIT. WAS IT CONSENSUAL.
Q: No.
tHAT'S RAPE WHICH IS VERY BAD GO TELL SOMEONE RN

AND THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
Hopefully you won't need to know more than that, pervs.
ODDSEH NO