*fANFARE PLAYS* *fIREWORKS GO OFF* WE REACHED 100 *blows noisemaker* I'D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY-- *whispers something in her ear* Oh. I'D LIKE TO THANK ALL THE PEOPLE READING THIS AND EVERYONE WE'VE TALKED ABOUT BUT NOT THAT ONE ASSHOLE WHO'S MEAN TO CATS. HE GETS NO CREDIT. NEITHER DOES ANYONE WE'VE DISSED CUZ WE DISS FOR A REASON WE'RE THINKING ABOUT ENTERING THIS IN THE WATTYS THIS YEAR THAT IS, IF YOU GUYS WOULD VOTE FOR IT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN THE WATTYS ARE YOU SAID YOU DID! I LIED OK *gASP* IT'S NOT A HUGE DEAL. ANYWAYS THANKS AGAIN AND HERE'S THE FUNNY BIT ----- Me: *talking to my homebound teacher* Hey, what was the Final Solution? Her: You know, with Hitler and the Jews. Me: *thinks* That sounds like a really bad pop band. Her: *dying laughter* ----- Me: *getting out of the shower* *sees a bowl on the bath mat* Better not step on that, I don't wanna fall. *tries to step over it and still step on the mat* Bath mat: LOL NOPE Me: *foot lands on the hardwood floor* oH SHIT-- *CRASHBANGSMASH* *LEG HITS SIDE OF TUB. BARELY AVOIDS CONCUSSION FROM HANDLE ON CABINET DOOR. DOES SIDEWAYS SPLITS. BANGS HIP ON FLOOR.* Me: ... *shocked silence* . . . *wAILS* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Mom: *rushes in* Are you okay?! Me: *still wailing* NO. I DID THE FRIGGIN SPLITS Mom: *busts out laughing* HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE BRUISE ON MY LEG
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IT LOOKS LIKE A BRUISED APPLE UPDATE: OH MY GOD IT GOT WORSE
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OMFG CALL AN AMBULANCE NOT THAT MUCH WORSE ----- Chemistry is weird. It's very guess-and-test. You try something out, and there's one of two outcomes: It blows up in your face. Or you win a Nobel Prize in Chemistry. ----- What it feels like sometimes Me: *standing in front of a box labeled 'My Life' *picks up smaller box labeled 'New Fandom' *slowly puts smaller box in life box* *slowly moves hand away like when you're trying to keep something from falling* Box: *is fine* Me: *sighs in relief* Phew! *brushes hands together* Box: *dust from my hands touches box* *FWOOMPH(box catches fire)* Me: GODDAMMIT ----- Phil Mickleson features in this one commercial, and he says: "Hi, I'm Phil Mickleson, pro golfer.' But he talks fast, so now me and mom call him Philmicklesonprogolfer. ----- THANKS ONE MORE TIME WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT
