Addicted (OITNB)

14- Sadness Is A Deadly Thing

I AIMLESSLY WALK down the hallways, completely forgotten which way to go to the cafeteria. I pause and grab the wall, holding it as I try to fight off the urge to suddenly throw up.

Once the feeling has gone away, I continue walking. I try every single door until I walk straight into an office. A man in a brown suit stands up, startled by my forceful entrance.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He exclaims as he eyes me with his beady brown eyes.

My eyes glance down and I realise his pants zipper is undone.

"I'm lost." I say, trying to fight to urge to throw up once again when I realise what he had been doing.

He sighs and turns around to zip his pants. He grabs a tissue from the tissue box on his desk and wipes his hands. I notice the wood and silver name plaque at the front of his desk. It reads "CAPUTO".

Once he is finally recovered from my embarrassing walk in, he faces me with his hands on his hips. "What do you mean, you're lost?" He asks unimpressed.

"I can't find the dinner. The café. I mean, cafeteria." I say, cursing to myself for forgetting how to speak and nearly giving away the fact that I'm completely wasted.

He sighs loudly. "Down the hall. Take a left." He says as he sits down again.

"Which hall?"

"This hall!" I flinch at his voice. He sighs once again. "Sorry, sorry. You just...walked in on a bad time. Okay?"

I nod in understanding. If I were in his position right now I'd be humiliated.

"Okay. Bye." I say finally as I walk out of the office and down the hall I turn left like he instructed, and sure enough, I see the double doors leading to the cafeteria.

I push through the doors, and the CO guarding it turns to me. "Hey! You're late." He scolds but I completely ignore him and walk around trying to find where my group was sitting.

Everyone turns their attention on me. Do they know that I'm currently intoxicated? Can they tell?

I squint my eyes as I scan the crowd after aimlessly stumbling around. Either I just can't seem to see them, or my brain isn't working right now.

I feel a hand grab my arm roughly and for a second I think it's a CO. Nicky drags me towards the table where the others are seated. She forces me to sit down and as soon as I do, my head spins.

"Are you drunk?!" Nicky whisper-yells.

"Stop yelling at me!" I yell loudly.

"I'm not even-" Nicky stops and takes a deep breath in. I can tell she's angry. "How are you drunk right now?!"

"I'm not drunk. I'm mourning." I reply as I reach over and load her spoon with the stew on her tray. I forgot everyone on our table was watching me right now.

"Fucking hell. Where did you get it?"

"Can you leave me alone? I have different ways of coping with things."

Nicky sarcastically laughs a little. "Yeah, but this isn't a good way of coping. It's just gonna make things worse."

I turn to her. "Aren't you a junkie? You should know how it feels to need something to help you forget your problems!"

Nicky looks hurt but I can't process it right now. I've gone from a happy drunk to an angry drunk.

I sigh in frustration and slam my fists on the table before resting my face against them. I see Morello flinch from the corner of my eye.