Addicted (OITNB)

10- This Isn't Real

"I HAVE ONE rule. No drugs. You lied to my face." Red tells Tricia without looking up from her cutting board.

Standing in Red and Tricia's presence right now, I've never felt so awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know what to say or do, and I feel like I've stumbled into something private here. Maybe it was a bad idea deciding to come here with Tricia.

"You're on your own." Red adds, and the look on Tricia's face makes my heart break. How could anyone reject a face like that?

Tricia nods and begins backing up. "Fine." She says, obviously holding back tears by the sound of her voice. As she turns around to walk out of the kitchen, I feel a sudden growth in confidence.

I walk towards Red, inhaling a large breath to calm myself down and stop me from doing something I'll regret.

"Red, she's trying." I say as calmly and nicely as I can.

Red doesn't even look up to acknowledge that I'm still here.

"Trying?" Red scoffs a laugh as if what I said was a joke. "How many times has she been 'trying'?"

I frown. "Okay, yes it's taken her more than a few tries. But she's better now."

Red finally drops the knife and faces me, peering at me through her glasses. I don't know whether I should be afraid or not.

"Are you blind, or just stupid? That girl is not better- look into her eyes. She's still on drugs." Red says with her thick Russian accent.

I shake my head. "I've seen her withdrawal symptoms. She hasn't been better before than she is now."

Red steps towards me until we our noses are nearly touching. "And how long did those symptoms last, hm? Two hours? Three? And then they just suddenly stopped? You know why? Because she is getting her juice back. That's why!"

It hits me that she might be, in fact, completely right. I don't know whether I should praise her intelligence or not.

"Wait. So she's still on drugs? Right now?" I look to the side as I feel my heart break a little.

Red sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "See why it's hard for me to forgive her? Because if I let her back in I know she'll keep doing it and my heart will be broken all over again."

I don't say goodbye before I rush out of the kitchen and into the emptying cafeteria. I scan the crowd for Tricia, but I don't see her. I don't see Pornstache either.

I search everywhere for her- the bathrooms, the dorms and even outside in the courtyard, sheds and greenhouse. She wasn't there.

Panic rises in my throat as I run down the halls one last time, holding back my tears of worry. I try telling myself that she's fine and that I probably keep missing her. However my gut feeling is telling me otherwise.

"Have you seen Tricia Miller?" I ask every passing inmate. Some give me strange looks and some respond to me telling me they have not.

I return back to my dorm, hoping to find her there. I only find Nicky, who is sitting in her bed with Morello. I try not to look at them as I sit down on my own bed in defeat.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" I look up from my palms at the beautiful woman standing before me. Morello looks extra glamorous today, I notice. Her lips are a darker cherry red and her curls are extra bouncy. "Is this about what we said earlier? We were just messing around-"

"I can't find Tricia." I whisper, cutting her off. Morello looks caught off guard.

"What do you mean? Where could she be?"