Addicted (OITNB)

38- It's Not The End

AT THE DORMS, I was not expecting to find Millie. In my area. As I approached her, I got a better look of what she was doing.

On my bed, holding something awfully precious to me.

Tricia's diary.

"What are you doing?" I ask frantically, my heart suddenly racing.

Millie immediately looks up, her face disgruntled.

"What is this?" She stands up, flicking through the pages violently.

"Careful, you're going to rip it!" I reach for it only to miss when Millie holds it back.

"It's that girl's book. The one that's dead. The one that you had a thing with all along." 

At that point, I didn't care how she felt. I just wanted the diary back before Millie ruined it.

"Give it back-"

"Who are you? You're not my sister. You're not my best friend. You've been lying to me all these years." Millie's eyes fill with tears but I struggle to show remorse towards her.

"Of course I have! I'm twenty years old, older than you! Yet, all my life, you've been the one controlling me. How the hell am I supposed to tell you that I like girls, not guys, girls! I love vagina! I love lesbian sex! See, you can't handle that." I cross my arms as I watch her tears suddenly wither away and her eyebrows draw close.

"You're disgusting." Millie spits and I scoff. Like I hadn't heard that one before. Now it was a war over who could insult the other one the worst.

"You know what, I wish I left you to join mom. I wish I never made the sacrifice to come here. I wish you were never-"

I'm cut off by the sound of multiple pages ripping at once, along with my heartstrings.

Millie loses her mind, shredding as much as the diary as she could. She hit it against the painted brick wall, screaming at the top of her lungs.

I can't move as I see the last pieces of Tricia break away. The only piece of memory I have of her. Without this diary, she does not exist anymore. One day, my memory will fade and I'll unfortunately forget about her. This dairy was supposed to be something that kept the memory fresh.

Millie gives up trying to rip the hard cover, dropping it like it was a piece of rubbish.

Something inside of me snaps. I don't see Millie as my sister. I see her as my enemy.

I pounce at her, hands immediately gripping her hair from the roots. Millie screams and falls back with my weight, hands flying everywhere.

"I hate you! I hate you!" I cry, straddling her as I pull at her hair, hoping that I'm inflicting pain onto her. My heart is crushed. Like never before.

Millie's hand pushed at my face, trying seperate my to get me off her. I do get off her, but not by choice. I'm forced off by who I assume is a CO, until I notice the color of the hands around my stomach.

"Let go of me!" I scream like a madman, kicking my legs in the air as I am hoisted away from my mess of a sister.

Millie sits up, holding the back of her hair and sobbing. I am feeling overwhelmed with anger. No tears like I had expected, just pure rage.