Addicted (OITNB)

33- I Promise I'm Not A Serial Killer

((EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING: READ AT OWN RISK))

I GRIND THE razor into the delicate and thin skin of my wrist, feeling nothing but tiny little pinches that aren't doing shit for me.

"Come on, please." I whisper as I press harder, hoping to get more than a short thin cut. I was just so desperate to end it that I wasn't even sad nor scared for the right reasons.

But what did make me sad was the fact that the shaver wasn't working, and my frustration causes me to throw the razor to the ground angrily. I scream and pull my hair, a few strands wrapping around my fingers.

I fall onto my knees and pick up the shaver again. I smash it against the tiled floor several times until the yellow plastic surrounding the actual metal part of the razor breaks away.

I lift up the glimmering metal, assessing the sharpness of the corner. It's extremely sharp and I smile to myself.

I don't hesitate to dig the pointy edge of the razor into the top of my wrist, just below my palm. The pain is like relief to me as I drag it down slowly on purpose, trying to make me feel as much pain as possible. Blood immediately leaks down my arms towards my elbow before dripping off my skin like a tap.

I'm feeling such an adrenaline rush, and I almost burst out laughing at the high I was feeling.

I do it again to my other wrist, but this time I go a deeper and blood pours out even faster. I slump down against the wall and bring my naked knees up to my naked chest, watching in awe as my own blood pools around me. The running water from
the tap spreads it out, flowing out of the stall.

I close my eyes for a few seconds, letting the peacefulness of death wash over me for a second.  But suddenly I'm rudely interrupted by the shower curtain being violently pulled aside.

I open my eyes quickly and frown as I stare at Nicky, who is frozen as she stares at my naked and bloody state.

I hold the razor closer to me and she notices, starting towards me

"What are you doing?!" She cries out, immediately bursting into tears as she reaches for the razor in my hand.

"No!" I scream in the highest pitch, pulling the razor towards my chest.

"Stop! Stop it! Evie, stop!" She screams just as loud as me, wrestling me onto my side to grab the razor. I close it in my fist tightly, causing it to cut up my fingers and palm.

Weakness hits me suddenly and I lose feeling in my arms and legs in less than a second. My fist opens and the razor drops onto the ground, a few inches away. My blood-coated hand lays limp on the tiles, followed by my head.

Through my blurry vision, I see Nicky holding my face as she hysterically screams and cries at the same time. She shakes me up and down, but I can't move nor think.

"Don't go! Please, don't go!" She wails, pressing her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry. Evie, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

But it's too late because I'm losing too much blood, and I'm glad it is because I know this is for the best.

"Help! Someone, help!" She begins screaming over her shoulder. "Look at me. Don't close your eyes. Don't you dare close your eyes." She tells me as she grips my face harder, making me regain a bit of feeling.