Addicted (OITNB)

62- Out With The Old In With The New

I FIND MYSELF in the storage room, crouched down underneath the shelves of tools and in between the cleaning cart and vacuum cleaner. I don't exactly know why I ran, but I just felt like it was unsafe for Nicky and I to talk to each other. Especially if Tonia saw.

I keep repeating to myself that Nicky is back. That I wasn't actually finished seeing her for good.

By the short glance at her, I could tell that she has changed.

She looked thinner, and her hair was blonder. She didn't look like the Nicky I once fell in love with.

I flinch when the storage room door opens, but immediately relax when I realize that it's only Snow.

"I knew you'd be in here." He says with an amused grin.

"Shut the door." I say, rising to my feet.

As he does, he says "were you just so happy to see Nicky that you ran away to control your excitement?"

I want to tell him, "actually, I ran away to keep Nicky safe from Tonia." But I knew I couldn't say that.

"Is she... Is she looking for me?" I ask awkwardly.

"Uh, I don't think so. I think she's going to that celebration party they're having for her."

"Oh," I look around the room, before returning my gaze onto him, "where is this party?"

"In the Common Room. Want me to walk you over?"

"No, no, I'm fine. I can walk myself." I say, even though I wasn't going to go to the party. I just wanted to know where I'd have to avoid being around for a while.

"Evie, wait." Snow grabs my shoulder to stop me from passing him. I look up.

He hesitates. "That girl, Tiana-"

"Tonia." I correct.

"-right, her. She's not hurting you, is she?"

I feel a lump in my throat. It's not Tonia hurting me, it's myself.

"No, she takes care of me." I say.

"But why do you have so many bruises?"

"It's called rough sex, Ryder." I say, rolling my eyes.

He slightly laughs. "Alright, I believe you." He says, acting like a parent.

"Bye." I walk out of the storage room.

"See you around." He calls out.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I've just realized?" Tonia says from beside me. We are both in bed, under the blanket. I face away from her, trying to take a quick nap before dinner.

I hum in response.

"That you never go down on me." She says.

My eyes open and I stare at the wall, unsure of how to respond. It's true, Tonia has always been the one to give.

"I've never really been that type, to be honest." I reply finally.

Tonia presses her chest against my back. "You mean, you've never done it before?"

"Yeah," I say. It's not true, because I've gone down on Nicky plenty of times and I've always wanted to. But with Tonia, I just didn't feel the urge to. I guess it's because I don't love her.

"Well, when will you?" Tonia's fingers graze my hip from underneath the blanket. I tense up.

"Uh, I don't know." I reply, my heart rate increasing as I felt uneasy at the idea of going down on her.