Addicted (OITNB)

56- I Found God

I WASN'T DEPRESSED because I missed her. I was depressed because I realized the truth.

Why did I waste my time loving someone who saw me as less than a drug?

I didn't hate her. I did miss her, but it wasn't love anymore. At least I was trying to make it not be.

Every time I saw Morello she would constantly be crying. I wonder if she realizes that she means nothing to Nicky. No one means anything to Nicky. It's all bullshit.

Here I am, day six of being Nicky-free, sitting in the courtyard and soaking up the sun. I've pushed away Piper and Gloria. It just feels better keeping a distance right now. I don't want to form any more relationships that will end up turning to shit anyway.

I break off a piece of chocolate from my bar and suck on it while I watch some inmates play basketball. I decided to splurge on commissary.

Suddenly I can't see and feel fingertips against my eyelids. They're gentle but still cause me to jump in shock.

I hear a giggle and my mind that had been believing that it was Nicky completely withers away. Of course it's not Nicky. Nicky would never do something so stupid.

I feel a pair of lips lightly kiss behind my ear before a voice whispers, "guess who?" I cringe but I still can't see.

My eyes widen when I process that voice. I recognize it and I haven't heard it in so long. I never expected to hear it again.

I want to scream.

I lean to the side and look up at my gentle attacker. The voice matches the pretty little face. Fuck.

"What are you doing here?" I question frantically. This is not good.

"Good behaviour means that I could come back early." Tonia steps over the bench and plops down next to me. Her raven hair is still as long as it was when she left but I swear her lips have gotten plumper. Is it possible to get work done while in prison?

"Where did you even go?" I can still feel her lips on the skin near my ear. I feel tingles down my spine.

"Max." She says as if it is something to be proud of. "I turned myself in." I didn't notice that she had moved closer to me. She scares me so much that I can't even walk away.

"I saw Nicky there, just as I was leaving." She says at a quieter volume. Her lips are curved.

"Y-You did?" I stammer. There's a weird bubble feeling in my throat, a mixture between heartburn and having a heart attack.

"I mean it's no surprise, she was bound to end up in max at some point." Tonia shrugs. God, I wanna smack her gorgeous face.

Tonia would be the ultimate woman if she wasn't such a sadistic bitch.

"Must be hard for you." She says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"No, not at all." I reply.

"Oh come on, don't try and pretend that you weren't a little sad when she left."

"Well I'm not anymore, alright?" I snap. Tonia raises both eyebrows.