Addicted (OITNB)

55- The Door Came Tumbling Down

EVERYTHING FEELS WRONG, and I'm the one to blame. I should have stayed with her, made sure she was okay but instead I ran off to join my other family. Gloria.

I shouldn't have expected much from Nicky after that, but it's been weeks since my furlough and she hasn't said a word. But then again, neither have I.

Do I hate her? No, I'm just frustrated with her. But how come every time I see her face I want to punch it? Maybe it's because I hate her for not loving me back.

"No wedding?" Flaca frowns. I decided to finally break the news to them, seeing as they mentioned it again.

"No."

"Why?" She pushes.

"Because we're broken up." I shrug. Whatever we had was no longer there.

"Oh, thank God." Maritza stretches her arms over her head. "There are plenty of hotties around here. Like that CO, what was his name?" She looks at her best friend.

"Ryder." Flaca says.

"That's the one."

"No thanks." I laugh.

"I know you two are close, so... Could you put in a good word for me?" Flaca asks, twirling the ends of her hair with her finger.

I laugh again, even though I know she is dead serious.

"I'll try..."

"Evie!" I turn around immediately, almost falling off the top of the table in the process. The face matches the voice. Morello.

I jump off and walk towards her quickly after noticing the black makeup trickling down her cheeks.

"Hey, Morello, what's wrong?" She throws herself into me, gasping for air. I immediately wrap my arms around her back.

"Nicky!" She manages to splutter out.

"What did she do?" I ask calmly, even though I was beginning to panic inside.

Morello tries to talk but she can barely breathe. I am suddenly feeling lightheaded.

"Lorna!" I yell, snapping her out of it.

"T-They're t-taking her away-" she bursts.

I feel my heart shatter. I blink a few times, trying to wake myself up. This is all just a dream. A bad dream.

I run towards the building, leaving Morello behind with Maritza and Flaca, who hadn't moved from their spot.

As soon as I enter through the doors, I am faced with several backs that are watching the entire thing.

Red is being pulled away from Nicky, who is being held by a CO. She doesn't fight it and just stares ahead, as if she has accepted this.

I shove through between two inmates and sprint towards her. When she notices me, she smiles.

I throw my arms around her neck and pull her close to me, inhaling the scent of her hair one last time. She nuzzles her chin into the crook of my neck, unable to hold me back from her handcuffed wrists.

"Why?" I ask, breaking down into tears.

"I'll be back," she tells me, "I promise. So don't you worry, okay?" She says it with such genuine that I believe her.

"Hey you! Move away." The CO finally notices me and pushed me away. I stare at him with a burning rage inside of me.

I am suddenly held back by large and strong hands before I can run at him.

"Don't do anything stupid." I hear near my ear. Snow.

Each step that Nicky takes is a bullet to my heart. I stand on the side, watching as she almost passes me.

"I'll be back, okay?" She says before being pushed forward.

"I love you!" I shout after her.

I don't get to see her expression.

THE IMPACT OF her leaving was even worse the next day, when it had all settled in that I would not see her again. She promised me that she would be back, but in how long? Weeks? Months? Years? I couldn't wait that long. I needed her here, under this roof with me, no matter how much we talked or not.

"Evie?" A gentle voice says close to my face. I don't want to open my eyes.

"Piper, just leave her alone." Alex says from a distance.

"We need to make sure she's okay, you know how she can get." Piper says, and judging by the sound of her voice I know she is now standing up.

"What does it matter? We haven't seen her in months. She isn't ours to worry about anymore."

I wince at the pain in my chest and curl up under the blanket. She's right.

"For Nicky, alright?" Piper crouches down in front of me again. "Evie?"

I pry my eyes open, letting them adjust to the brightness. I haven't been awake since Nicky left. My stomach is empty but it feels full.

"Hey there," Piper smiles as if I am a baby. "How are you?"

"Go away, please." I say, my voice dry and brittle.

Alex lifts her hand as if to say 'I told you so'. Piper glares at her.

"I know you're upset-"

I sit up, throwing the blanket off the bed. "Upset? I'm more than upset. I'm-I'm heartbroken!"

Piper quickly picks up the blanket and lays it over my legs.

"I know, I'm sorry." She crouched down again. "But I hope you feel at least a bit of comfort knowing that you have me, and Alex, and Morello..."

I shake my head. I don't feel like I have them at all. They hate me. I know they do.

Piper grabs my hand but I am too weak to pull it away. "Come back to us."

"You need to stop making it sound like a cult." Alex says.

I pick at the material of the blanket, rolling balls of fluff between my fingers. "Just leave me alone, please." I say with a tiny voice. I have so many thoughts running through my head and I just want to scream out loud.

I realize how stupid it is to fall in love, especially when you're stuck in a prison and there is practically no chance of the relationship surviving in the real world.

I need to get over her. Our relationship, it wasn't healthy. She would be angry at me one day, but then tell me she loves me the next?

She didn't mean it. She just wanted me for sex.

If she truly loved me, then why wouldn't she get better? I got better for her. She loves heroin more then she loves me.

These thoughts were pounding in my head as if they were knocking at the front door, waiting to be let in and believed.

And the door came tumbling down.