Addicted (OITNB)

30- Those Three Words

IT'S BEEN TWO weeks and so far Tonia has seemed to kept her word. I haven't seen her around at all, not even when it's bedtime. Her bed is always empty and I realize that they haven't bothered packing her things away if she  truly was gone.

I lay my head against Nicky's stomach, letting her run her fingers against my scalp and hair. It's comforting and feels great, like a head massage.

Everyday I fall in love with Nicky more and more. She still hadn't said she loved me back but that didn't bother me too much. She acted like she loved me and that was all that mattered.

"Evie?"

"Yeah?"

"You know what I've just realized..."

"Oh God, what?" I joke, pretending to be worried.

"That you've never told me why you're in here."

And just like that, my mood drops and my walls are built up again. It's true. Nicky still doesn't know my story. She thinks I've done something bad- that I've done something illegal to end up in a place like this. Maybe that's why she won't tell me she loves me. Because she doesn't know me.

"It doesn't really matter." I mumble, trying my best to get out of the conversation. However, I can't dodge this bullet.

"It does."

"Nicky, I don't think I'm ready to tell you." I confess, biting my bottom lip. Her fingers stop playing with my hair.

"When you say shit like that, it turns me off. I just want to know you a bit better, that's all."

My heart is beating fast. What if she doesn't believe that I didn't kill anyone? And I especially don't want to put my little sister in a bad light.

But she's right. I know so much about her story and she doesn't know anything about mine. So I have to suck it up and get it over with. It won't make her like me any less, I mean she still treated me like a model even with a broken nose and missing tooth.

"Okay. Well, uh-" I feel myself begin to sweat, and the room goes spinning.

Nicky urges me to go on.

"I'm not gonna lie. I didn't do anything."

I can almost hear Nicky smiling from under me, as if she finds myself crazy. Like, why else would I be in here if I didn't do anything? It sounds like I'm in denial, like many prisoners here.

"Actually, Millie did something. And I just took the blame for her." I'm surprised at how quickly I spill it out. I thought I would of rambled on about unnecessary things.

"What did she do?" Nicky now sounds curious.

"She- She killed someone?" I answer but the tone of my voice makes it sound more like a question as if I'm suggesting a possible answer.

It's dead silent. I feel a drop of sweat slip down the side of my face. My palms are clammy and my heart is racing. The silence is killing me, so I have to look up to see Nicky's reaction.

To my surprise, she has a delicate smile on her face. "I knew my Evie would never do something bad." She uses a baby voice and pinches my cheek, pouting at me.