Addicted (OITNB)

13- Alcohol Numbs The Pain

THE AWKWARDNESS IS real as Nicky and I stand next to each other in front of the pieces of a broken fan at work. Piper stands next to me as well, but that's mostly because I chose for Nicky and I to go here so that I wasn't alone with her.

I never expected Nicky to like me the way Tricia liked me. I really think she's annoyed because she usually gets what she wants, but not this time. I know about her reputation here at Litchfield.

"How are you holding up?" Piper whispers to me, not taking her eyes off the toaster in front of her.

I shrug but then remember she's not looking at me. "I'll get there." I reply as I stick a screwdriver into the top of a screw at the back of the fan.

Admittedly, I'm surprised that I was able to get out of bed and go to work willingly. Although I still do feel like complete crap, finding that diary and being able to keep it has helped cheer me up a little. I don't have a photograph to remember Tricia by, but I do have a piece of her now.

I remove the small square of plastic that covers the battery socket after I've undone the screws. I gently place the screwdriver down and pick up two batteries. I shove the batteries into their sockets but Nicky suddenly touches my wrist, causing me to pause.

"You've put them in the wrong way." She says as I remove my hand and let her fix it. I really am hopeless at this job.

As soon as the battery is placed in the right way, the fan comes to life and begins spinning wildly, blowing Nicky and I's hair all over the place. Nicky quickly turns it off as Luschek walks toward us.

"Good. Go take it to the library and then you're done for today." He instructs and Nicky picks up the fan and takes the lead as we walk towards the door. Nicky and I slowly walk in complete silence across the field towards the building.

I can't stop thinking about how comforting she's been to me, since the moment I first got here to the moment I found Tricia. She comforted me and no one else would of done that for me. Nicky isn't a bad person. Not one bit. She didn't know Tricia would die. I really don't want to fight with her, especially at a time like this.

I stop walking, causing her to simultaneously stop as well. She turns to me with a confused look upon her face and I stare at her with a frown.

I step towards her and throw my arms around her neck, holding her tight as I dig my face into her thick hair. Nicky doesn't hug back at first, having been caught off guard, but eventually she lowers the fan and hugs me back hard.

"I'm sorry." I say but my voice is muffled by her hair.

"Me too." She replies quietly as we both close our eyes and enjoy this comfort from each other.

I'm the first to break the hug. I pull away slowly, Nicky still not removing her hands from the bottom of my back. I look up at her and she looks sad.

I lean forward and rest my forehead against hers. Her breath fans my face and she moves her head forward causing me to pull away completely.

"Come on, let's go." I tell her as she glances down in disappointment. I reach over and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze and causing her to smile weakly. We continue walking hand in hand towards the library.

The library is exactly like the ones I've visited over my years. I've already been to the library before, but that was only for a second and I had run into Poussey. I never got the chance to actually wander around in here. It's huge and clean, and filled to the brim with books although most of the books there seem like older ones.