Fall Out Boy Imagines/Preferences

68. A Case of Misused Dairy - Pete Wentz

Hey some of yall asked for this, so I delivered. Here you go!

"Dad!" Nirvana yelled, running into the kitchen.

Pete froze, the sandwich he made halfway to his lips. "What's up princess?"

"So I was scrolling through tumblr and I saw this link-"

"Oh god, nothing good comes from those words." Pete sighed. "What did you find?"

"Fanfiction-"

"Dear God this is not going to end well." He put down this sandwich. "What are we talking about here; gay smut, a weird enema?"

"Actually both." Nirvana handed her phone over to Pete.

"The milk fic." Pete read, his eyes wide. "Sweet Jesus..."

Nirvana slid into the seat beside Pete. "I was thinking we could read it together. You know, after we read that weird fic about the hat-"

"That was a one time thing that we agreed to never speak of ever again!" Pete held a finger up. "Besides if your mother knew you read this, she would be furious."

"Oh come on!" Nirvana rolled her eyes. "If you don't read it with me, I'll do it myself."

Pete put his head into his hands. "There's no way out of this, is there?"

Nirvana shook her head. "Nope. Come on, how bad could it possibly be?"

"Fine." Pete agreed, half-heartedly.

Nirvana clicked on the link, a grin on her face. "Ok, ok. Here it goes. 'Ryan was kneeling in the bathtub...'"

.......

"Oh. My. God." Nirvana sat, staring at her phone in disgust. "I need to douse my phone in holy water."

"I need to take a holy water shower." Pete sat beside her, equally scarred for life. "Yeezus, Mary and Joseph."

"That.."

"Was the worst thing I've ever read..." Pete finished. "Child, why did you do that to me?"

"I don't ever want to eat another dairy product again..." Nirvana stared into space, a horrified expression on her face.

Pete stood, walked over to the fridge, and methodically pulled the jug of milk off the shelf.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Nirvana raised an eyebrow.

"We must cleanse the house of this impure substance." Pete poured the milk down the sink. "Every last bit of dairy needs to go."

"Even the ice cream-"

"Especially the ice cream!" Pete yelled. "I will not stop until this house is free of anything made of milk!" He declared boldly.

"Does uncle Brendon know about this?" Nirvana tossed her phone away.

"God I hope not." Pete dropped every cheese item into the trash.

"Should we tell him?" Nirvana asked.

"No, we don't need to." Pete shook his head and threw away the butter and yogurt. "He knows things."

"Really!!" Nirvana screamed. "A splitting of the mind????? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FANFIC HURT ME!!!"

Pete chuckled. "Sorry to kill your feels."

OH MY GOSH THAT ATTACHED PIC OF PETE IS MY ENTIRE LIFE HE'S JUST TOO CUTE FOR THIS WORLD