Fall Out Boy Imagines/Preferences

95. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Joe Trohman

You turned sharply into the parking lot just as Joe got out of his car. 

He walked over to your car and waited patiently while you parked. "What's going on?" He asked as you slammed the car door shut. 

"Your guess is as good as mine." You shrugged walking into Ruby's preschool. 

Joe walked beside you, shoving his hands into his pocket. "Well, there are no good guesses in my mind. You remember the last time we were kindly asked to pick Ruby up from school?"

You shuddered. You and Joe didn't like to discuss this, because it was a poor reflection of your parenting techniques. 

All you need to know is that it involved a clown and a pair or hurting balls. 

"You don't think it could be another case of Mr. Fizzles, do you?" You asked Joe, a panicked look on your face. 

Joe shook his head. "They promised us they wouldn't bring in another clown." 

You and Joe made it to the main office, to see Ruby sitting in a chair, her arms crossed over her chest and a sour look on her face. 

"Rue." At the sound of your voice, Ruby looked up. 

"Mommy!" She shouted. "These meanies won't let me play." She ran towards you. 

Joe picked her up. "Rue, remember what we said about name calling?" 

"I'm sorry daddy," Ruby mumbled and hung her head. 

"As much of an issue that her name calling is, that is not the reason you guys are here." The principal, Mr. Redmayne, walked out of his office. "Follow me into my office please." 

You and Joe looked towards each other, sharing confused looks. 

"If we're not here for another talk about Ruby's, um, colorful language. Why does Ruby need to be taken out of school?" You sat down in front of the desk. 

Mr. Redmayne sat down. "She's upsetting the kids by telling them that Santa isn't real." 

Joe burst out into laughter, but at the stern look the principal gave him, he turned it into a cough. "Oh, you're serious." 

"Her exact words were." Mr. Redmayne looked down at a printed piece of paper. "'Santa isn't real, and my daddy said that if you believe Santa is real, you're a big baby.' She made a little boy cry." 

You leaned forward. "I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly seeing the issue here. My husband and I raised our child based on the truth, and she's being punished for speaking it?" 

"You really must understand that while you and Mr. Trohman made that decision, other parents did not. And because Ruby has decided to 'speak the truth' as you put it, she's contradicting their beliefs." Mr. Redmayne folded his hands. "As well as calling them names." 

Ruby pouted. "Do you believe in Santa Claus?" 

"Well no but-" 

"Then why am I in trouble?" Ruby yelled. "You're being a butthead." 

"Ruby Jane Trohman!" You scolded. "We do not call people names!" 

Ruby's eyes narrowed. "But you and daddy call each other names all the time, like asshole and-"

"Ruby that's a potty word." Joe said. 

"And why do you call him daddy?" Ruby raised her eyebrows. "He's my daddy, I don't want to share-" 

Mr. Redmayne coughed, a mortified look on his face. "This is the type of behavior that I'm talking about." 

"Well, what do you suppose we do?" You asked.