The Wolf In sheeps clothing

I Don't Want To Live With This

Louis eased himself carefully away from Niall so as not to wake him. He rolled off the bed into a standing position then stretched to free up his cramped muscles. He stood looking at Niall a few moments then quietly left the room in search of a doctor he'd be able to talk with.

"Louis, come in. " Doctor Ward invited. "This is James Martin, the doctor in charge of Niall's treatment here" The two men shook hands and James waved a hand at a chair, inviting Louis to sit."You'll remember Doctor Carter from earlier" Louis nodded, giving both men a half smile as he sat in the proffered seat.

"I gather you and Niall are close friends" James said "and you're also his emergency contact?"

"Yeah, we are and I am" Louis responded

"As you are aware, now Niall is more stable, we can't discuss his treatment with you unless he gives permission, but I take it you will be contactable if there are any emergency issues?"

"Yeah, I'm staying around. Umm....I don't want to speak out of turn and I..ah.. know. you can't discuss this with me but......will Ni be OK?" Louis tone was anxious and he fidgeted in his seat as he spoke.

"A lot depends on Niall himself. If he accepts treatment and help, then yes...with possible limitations."

"Guess I have to be happy with that answer then" Louis said as he stood. "I'm heading home now, will it be OK to come in  and see Niall tomorrow?"

"Yes certainly. Just check with his nurse before you come in case there are any restrictions due to Niall undergoing tests and so forth" James said. He turned back to Doctor Carter and they were soon deep in conversation.

"I'll walk out with you" Doctor Ward said. The two men walked in silence for a few moments then Doctor Ward cleared his throat " Ahem..ah...I was talking to Niall  a week before he was admitted, when I gave him his diagnosis. He says he has a friend with the same condition....Selena..he said"

"Selena Gomez, yeah, they're good friends. We all are" Louis confirmed.

"I was wondering if ..maybe..she'd talk with Niall. Mentor him, if you will" Doctor Ward suggested. Louis stopped and looked at the doctor. 

"She's not doing so well herself right now, might not be wise. Maybe later, yeah?" Louis rubbed his temples as his head started to ache. "I'll see you, doc" and he headed towards his car. This shouldn't be happening. Not to Niall. He drove away, mentally bracing himself to call the other lads and tell them where Niall was, and how he was doing.

"No! You're kidding, right?" Liam was incredulous as he responded to Louis telling him how sick Niall was, and why.

"Mate, no joke. He's really sick. I should have called you a few days ago, when he was hospitalised but I just got caught up with it all. They kept him sedated for the first few days because he was just not coping either  mentally or physically.. He's really depressed and he hadn't been looking after himself." Louis admitted.

"I'm coming over" Liam said "as soon as I can get a flight, I'm coming"

"Give Harry a call. I've spoken to him and he's doing the same. Maybe you can travel together?"Louis suggested.

"Not the best idea, mate. The two of us arriving at the same time and the three of us apparently meeting up. The Paps will have a field day. The media haven't got hold of this yet?" Liam nixed Louis suggestion.

"Yeah, you're right, sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. And no, the media hasn't got hold of this yet and I hope they don't. Fortunately Niall has been flying under the radar since he arrived here. Look, give me a call when you know when you'll get here" Louis asked

"Will do" Liam ended the call. Louis rubbed his aching forehead. He was exhausted. He'd been juggling being with Niall along with his responsibilities with Freddie and he was running on empty. He sighed and collapsed onto his bed. He was asleep in minutes.

"Hello Niall, I'm James Martin and I shall be in charge of your treatment during your stay here. Now I know you've been told you have Lupus . I appreciate that you must be feeling very overwhelmed right now but We'll do our best to get you sorted out.

Right now, you are obviously in the middle of a bad flareup which we've started to treat.I'm going to have your nurse set up an IV shortly which will get a steroid, Solumedrol, into your system. This usually produces good results. We did more blood tests whilst you were sedated and unfortunately your haemoglobin count is 8 which is not too brilliant. We can treat this quite easily with blood transfusions. Just doing that will make you feel better as it will help the fatigue and headaches you've been experiencing. The tests also revealed a high level of Creatinine . This is, if you like, a waste substance. We need to get the level down as it affects the kidneys badly and, if left untreated can cause major problems. An average of 60% of lupus patients have kidney problems but, carefully managed, very few sufferers have severe problems.

Now, that's quite enough to take in for one day but have you any questions for me?" James sat down on the side of Niall's bed and studied the young man whose face was thin and white.

"I..uh...will I die?" Niall stuttered out

"Lupus is a chronic disease, a serious one. Properly managed, it can be controlled and it's effects on the body limited. Yes, it can kill. Will it kill you? I've no idea. Neither do I know if you'll get run down by a bus tomorrow" the doctor said quietly and Niall took the point. "Niall, how well you cope with this illness is down to a partnership..a partnership between your doctors and yourself. We can take care of the medical side of things but you also have to take care of you. Self care is a big part of this."

"Self care?" Niall asked

"Eating sensibly, getting enough rest, avoid the crazy rush when you need to . Paying attention to your body so you recognise what triggers your flareups and getting help when you get them." James listed things off and Niall nodded as he listened.

"It's ..just...." Niall's voice trailed off.

"A lot to take in, I know. I know you might not want to, but talking with Doctor Carter will help. He's a clinical psychologist. His job ins't to ferret around your head but to help you adjust to things and  work out coping strategies . Why not have a chat with him, see if you think you could find him helpful".

"Yeah, ok" Niall agreed. He blinked rapidly trying to disperse the tears that had started to flood his blue eyes. James noted the building emotions in his young patient and smiled sympathetically.

"You're bound to find things hard, Niall, so go easy on yourself. I'm going to let you rest now.The nurse will be in to set up your IV and blood transfusion .See if you can get a little sleep. I've prescribed something to help you sleep this evening if you need it. The more rest you get, the better''. He stood up and smiled at Niall before he left, Niall's nurse coming in immediately to set his latest treatment in motion.

"There, now, all done" the nurse  removed some of the pillows from behind Niall's back, plumping up the remaining one, before she pressed the controls that lowered the top of the bed down. Once Niall was flat, she pinned the call button to his pillow. "Just press it if you need anything". Then the lights were dimmed and Niall was left to his own thoughts.

"I don't want to do this, I can't do this" Niall's thoughts pulled him down."I don't want to live with this.' and tears flowed down his cheeks. He sobbed quietly until exhaustion won and he slept. The nurse crept into his room to check on the iV and the sight of the tracks of the dried tears on his cheeks made her shake her head sadly.