The Wolf In sheeps clothing

Guest? Prisoner You Mean.

Niall mentally groaned as the doctor pulled back the bedding and began his examination. He was close to screaming with frustration. Ever since he had been re-admitted to the hospital, he had felt his control over  his  own life being slowly ripped away from him, piece by piece. If it wasn't his medical doctor poking and prodding him, nurses puncturing him with needles or insisting on washing him, it was the daily visits of the clinical psychologist, Doctor Carter. After a lecture from his Da,  he'd agreed to talk with Doctor Carter and his Da had sat with him for the first session which had helped ease him into therapy, but he still felt it was an invasion of his private thoughts. It was those questions Carter asked, sitting silently as he waited for Niall to respond. And wait he did, for Niall had often turned away and refused to answer. This didn't seem to faze the doctor at all. He just sat there, a pleasant expression on his face, as the silence grew. Day after long day, the man appeared until Niall was ready to scream.

"Well , Niall. It looks like the kidney problem is under control and everything else is as good as we can get it for the time being. We'll let you go home tomorrow". the doctor announced, his examination of Niall concluded.

"Really?" Niall pushed himself up and looked at the doctor, his face bright at the very thought.

"Really" the doctor confirmed cheerfully. "You'll need to coordinate with your general physician for your day to day care but I think you are good to go". He smiled at Niall then became serious. "Niall, Lupus is a serious illness. How well you do is partly up to you and your lifestyle. You will experience 'flare-ups' from time to time but you can help limit them by being careful. Not getting overtired, over stressed, etc. A good healthy diet, avoid triggers. We've covered all this so you know what you should and shouldn't do."

"Yeah, I know. Wrap myself in cotton wool and don't have a life" Niall said bitterly.

"Niall, you know that's not what I'm saying" the doctor replied patiently "I'm just asking that you are sensible. Enjoy life, have fun but no going over the top. Stay on top of your health."

"M'sorry. Yeah, I know you're right,  I'm just......." Niall shrugged , not able to really express how he was feeling.

"I understand Niall. I really do" the doctor said making Niall look at him sceptically. "You're young and you don't want to be restricted. Unfortunately, in order to stay healthy, you have to have some limitations. I'm just suggesting you be a little sensible.

"OK, I'll try" Niall said grudgingly.

"Good" the doctor replied. "I'll say goodbye now. Look after yourself and hopefully we won't be having you as a guest here  too often." He smiled, shook Niall's hand, and left the room.

"Guest ?" Niall muttered under his breath after the door had closed behind the doctor " Prisoner, you mean." He lay back and glared at the ceiling. He could hardly wait for tomorrow and escape from this place.

"There you are dear" the nurse handed Niall a Manilla envelope containing his medication and notes for his primary physician. "You're all set now. Have you got everything?" . Niall's gaze swept the room and he nodded. "Good. Look after yourself then." She smiled at him and shook his hand. Niall then left the hospital as rapidly as he could. He couldn't wait to get home and take back some kind of control over his life. F.ck being ill, he thought.

Once home, Niall immediately threw down his bag and headed to the fridge, scanning it's contents carefully. Louis had restocked it for him and Niall was pleased to note that he'd even stashed some beers in there, along with some typically 'Louis' type junk food. Pizza! After the overly healthy hospital food, Niall was dying to pig out on something fun. 

"Hey son" Bobby said as he walked into the kitchen as Niall had settled down at the table to eat. "Are you supposed to be eating that stuff? The doctor said you should eat more sensibly so you can stay as fit as possible. Niall raised his eyes and glared at his Da but said nothing. "Seriously Niall, you need to listen to them, son" Bobby pursued gently.

"I want a d*mn pizza and I'm f.cking well going to eat it. I'm f.cking sick of you all controlling me". Niall yelled, pushing his chair from the table and standing up. "I'm going out." He scooped up his car keys and wallet and stormed out of the room, leaving Bobby staring after him in shock. Niall had never spoken to him like that before and he was horrified. He knew Niall was only frustrated and angry with the situation but he'd thought that Niall had accepted his illness after many sessions with the psychologist. Bobby sat drumming his fingers on the table as he thought. He was worried about Niall . He'd gone  off in such a temper that Bobby was convinced that Niall was a danger to himself and others if he didn't calm down soon. Bobby sighed and pulled out his phone. With luck, Niall might have headed to see Louis.

"I'll call if he comes, Bobby, but he's not contacted me" Louis told Niall's father. "Look, Nialler has probably already calmed down. He's a stubborn git but he's not stupid. He probably just needs to blow off some steam. Try not to worry" Louis kept his voice calm and soothing but inside he was just was worried as Bobby. Niall was the sweetest, most gentle person on the planet...and one of the most stubborn. Louis just hoped he was right and that Niall just needed a few hours alone to get his head on straight.

.........................

"Any news, Louis?" Bobby wanted to know. "I've tried calling him but he's not answered. He's been gone  36 hours now. He's not got any medication with him, no clothing, nothing."

"Nah, Harry and Liam haven't heard anything either. I've rung his manager and he knows nothing. Actually, I'm really worried Bobby. I know Niall is stubborn but he'd never carried things this far. Do you think we should call the Police?" Louis chewed on his lip as he listened to Bobby's reply. "OK , then. We'll give it a few more hours." Louis terminated the call.

Niall sat in the anonymous hotel room watching TV but though his eyes were fastened to the screen, his expression was blank. His fingers twisted together nervously as thoughts raced through his mind as he focussed on the past. Life was cr*p. He had everything he could possibly want in life and he still thought life was  cr*p. Intellectually he understood that he was suffering from depression and that that illness took no notice of whether ones life was seemingly perfect or not. Depression could hit anyone at anytime. "It's often one of the side effects of Lupus" the doctor had told him "Depression, anxiety, it comes with the illness. It can be treated successfully though". Yeah, pills and talking, Niall thought bitterly. Pills and talking couldn't bring Zayn back to the band. G*d he missed Zayn. He tried to understand why Zayn had left them when he did but no matter how much he tried, he still didn't get it. Why had Zayn left them, left him? Zayn was like a brother to him, his big brother. Now Zayn was gone. He never saw him, never spoke to him. And now this f.cking Lupus had been added to the whole mess. Just what was the point of all this? Was life even worth it anymore? Right now, Niall didn't think so. He curled up on his side into a foetal position and slow, hot tears poured down his pale cheeks. He wanted out.