Shawn Mendes Imagines

Roses (Continuation of "Honest")

(If you haven't guessed already, this imagine is based on Shawn's song "Roses," which happens to be my favourite song off the deluxe edition of Illuminate! ❤️ As always, enjoy!)

(Shawn's Point of View)

A day earlier, I had decided to go and see her. I had convinced myself that I was going to tell her exactly how I was feeling, despite knowing of her newfound relationship. Though, when I had pulled into a parking space in the parking lot of my old high school, where Y/N still attended, and saw her with him, I had convinced myself otherwise.

I had seen Y/N through the window of my Jeep, just as I was about to get out. For a single moment, my body seemed to freeze at the sight of her. My eyes squinted as I leaned closer towards the window's glass, making sure that it was her who I was seeing. Not only was her appearance familiar, but so were her friends that stood around her. The only thing that had been unfamiliar was the guy who had his arms wrapped tightly around her. Although, I had been completely certain that it was her after having caught a glimpse of the smile that stretched across her face. I came to notice the forceful beating in my chest, as my heart raced at the sight of her, along with a throbing ache, as a feeling of heartbreak came over me upon seeing her with another guy.

I leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes as I rested my head against the headrest in thought. I sighed aloud, unsure if I should still admit to her how I was feeling.
It was so quiet in the Jeep that I could hear Y/N and her friends' distant laughter from where I was parked, causing my eyes to open and curiously gaze back out the window. At the worst possible moment, my gaze fell on Y/N and the guy who held her close. I witnessed him place his lips on her's, causing my already throbbing heart to fall to the pit of my stomach. Though, that hadn't been the most agonizing part of what I had seen. What had been worse, was seeing the beaming smile that adorned her lips just after pulling away from the kiss. In that moment, she seemed to be really happy. And despite my feelings, or my own happiness, I didn't want to take that away from her.

I shook my head, as I had to blink back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I cleared my throat, clearing my built up emotions with it, just before starting my Jeep up again. Upon seeing how happy Y/N appeared to be with him, I convinced myself that I had nothing to tell her. So, I reversed out of the parking space and left the school's parking lot, thinking that this was for the best.

Now, I was parked just outside her house, once again convinced that I was going to tell her of my feelings. However, I couldn't help but contemplate if what I was doing was right.
I looked out the window of my Jeep, into the dark of the evening, and scanned over the lit windows of her house, as if to catch a glimpse of her. My gaze traveled to the driveway, where I noticed that no cars were parked. Meaning, that her parents weren't home. I recalled how she hated being home alone, reminding me of the many times earlier in our relationship when I would secretly stay over until her parents got home. I caught myself smiling at the thought.

My gaze fell on the red rose that was lain across my lap. I gently picked up the rose, slowly twirling it in my fingers as I returned to my contemplation. It's not that I was afraid I wasn't enough for her, or that I couldn't find the words to say, but when I saw her with him she seemed happier, and I didn't want to take that away. Although, I didn't know if I would be able to live with the thought of never telling her how I felt either. I knew that I wanted to be honest with her, however that didn't turn out so well for me the last time I tried to be honest with how I was feeling.
After a few more moments of thought, I came to a resolution. This was, that I was going to admit to Y/N how I was truly feeling, and she could do whatever she wanted with it. Whether I was rejected or not, atleast she knew.