Help (One Direction)

23. Feelings & Jealousy

Kathryn’s POV

I don’t know what I did back there. I just… fell into him. He made me feel that way and I don’t know why. Do I like him back? Of course I do.

But do I like him more than what I’ve always thinking? Now that was shaky. I didn’t know what to do, especially during that kiss. My first instinct was to kiss him back. It was all so sudden and in the moment and I didn’t even know what I was thinking. But for some reason, I felt the kiss was right. He gave that certain feeling, that same feeling I feel when I’d be falling in love. Tickles in your belly? Butterflies in your stomach? Yeah that’s the one.

I felt the passion in that certain moment. I was actually enjoying myself. But, I remembered Zayn. What will he think or say if ever he knew what had happened between me and Lou? But whenever I thought about that, there would always be those little thoughts in my head coming from nowhere.

You and Zayn aren’t together so what’s the problem? Mostly that’s what it always said. “But I hate hurting anyone’s feelings,” I reply mentally.

I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t know if my feelings for Louis were true or maybe it was only ephemeral. My mind is just very flustered right now, so I try to shake it off until I’m sure about it.

I don’t know why I even cried back there. In that moment, I just realized how happy Lou was as he was playing around in the rain, he felt like he didn’t lack anything in life, he felt complete. Just the things absent in my life. Family was something I didn’t permanently have, I didn’t feel like I was born with one, though I’m living right now.

Austin’s mother would always tell me, “You feel this? It’s your heart, it’s beating. It means that you’re alive and people actually love you enough not to leave you when you were born. I’m here, Austin’s here and we’re your family.” And in that time, I was loved. I didn’t actually know how that felt, until that time me and my ‘mum’ had that talk.

But that isn’t the case now. Mum died, Austin changed, and I ran away. I don’t know what to do now.

But still that message of hers remained. People do love me enough not to leave me all alone. To think I’m still alive, I’m not like the teenagers on the streets; Anne cared for me and was generous enough to give me shelter, and if weren’t for that contest that was supposedly Tina’s, I wouldn’t have met these lads. They make me feel like how normal seventeen year-olds do. They didn’t make me feel like back then when I was with Austin, I felt like a grown up that way. I’m very thankful, I definitely won’t replace these moments I have with the lads with any other, even for my last dying breath.

So me and Louis walked, or should I say ran home. After that kiss, we decided to forget about that, like it never happened and it seemed to work. The memory was erased and we acted the same way we did, we had fun in the rain as we went home. We would talk normally again, skipping the topic before. Louis tells these jokes that are funny I don’t even understand why. The laugh was unbearable and now Louis was laughing too, either because of his own joke or my laughing face.

Zayn’s POV

“Where are they?” I ask them for the millionth time tonight. “I don’t know, I’ve been calling Lou a bunch of times and he won’t pick up.” Niall checks his phone one last time before placing it down on the couch. “It’s raining out,” Harry states and we all look out the window, quite a drizzle.

“I think Lou’s plan was ruined because of the rain.” Liam shrugs and I sort of agree. “But if it was, shouldn’t they be home by now?” I reply again. I was definitely frustrated. Why did it have to rain this day?