Help (One Direction)

29. "You lied,"

Kathryn’s POV

“What the hell?” I turn to them who are seated on the couch. There are only three of them there, only Zayn and Harry missing.

“Why would they attack you out there? Do they even know you?” Niall’s question was not in my thought so I was not prepared to answer his question. By the time he said the last few words, Harry and Zayn emerge from where they belonged, Harry from the kitchen and Zayn from the bathroom.

“Who even knows who?” Zayn asks and everyone looks at him, especially me. His eyes find me as well and the look on his face is like a newborn baby, clueless and unsure of its surroundings.

“How do they know you, Kath?”  Niall asks gently, he was the only one who is trying not to make everything not tensed.

“Who knows you?” Zayn interrupts my thoughts and the look on everyone’s face on him interrupting is unappreciated.

“Hell shut up! The paparazzi! How come the paparazzi knows Kathryn!?” Louis has reached his limit and everyone was terrified of the situation. It seemed like it was barely that they see Louis in this kind of state that’s why everyone as alarmed when he screamed at Zayn. He’s scary when he’s angry.

No one has told them what had happened. Zayn never bothered telling them, but then again it was him who also said that each other’s part of the day must be kept secret, but someone has to spill it sometime when something not supposed to be disturbed -especially media- is finally involved.

“You didn’t tell them?” I ask him, I am just as confused as everyone else.

“What?” Louis was impatiently waiting for an answer and I don’t land my eyes on Zayn anymore before I speak.

“He took me swimming that night, that’s it.” I don’t intend to go further than that. They don’t need to know everything.

It was surprising the look on their faces. What’s so surprising about swimming so late at night other than Zayn’s absurd fear of water and that we were swimming at night?

“That’s not what he said to us,” Harry said in a low tone, disappointed somehow and I have no idea why.

“What?”  My mind is cluttered and my eyes dart to Louis, to Zayn, to Niall, to Harry, and Liam, then back to Zayn again.

“We told each other this morning what we all did with you yesterday,”

“And he never mentioned swimming in what you two did last night.” Niall said. It seemed like both him and Harry have their eyes on the carpet, mumbling things to each other, not wanting to get involved but at the same time they want to get involved because they are also in on this.

“You lied?” Louis says still as shocked as when it was revealed. I could see Liam from the end of the couch, shaking his head in disappointment.

“You lied.” I try to let the thought sink in but it doesn’t want to. I want to laugh at the irony of how Ma’am Sheila just happened to lecture me about trust, and this happened.

“Trust no one. Trust is difficult to give, once it’s broken, you’re getting half or more of the pain.” That’s what she said. And I can’t believe every word she has an effect on me now.

“You lied!” The thought is still fresh and I still couldn’t seem to decipher it. I know he would be capable to lie -he's definitely not a perfect person-, but it was too soon to happen I wasn’t prepared. My chest feels heavy, the same certain feeling when Austin told me he wouldn’t drink anymore and I saw him take a swig.

With that, my mind takes me back to how many times I’ve said the word trust my whole life. Trust is a big word and I let the words tumble out of my mouth so easily.

I ran, I don’t know where but I ran, probably out of the apartment, I don’t know where I’m heading but I’m getting away from them. I want to get out of the mess I’ve made yet again.

I gulp. I trusted Austin with my heart and he broke it, I ran away. I trusted Zayn with half of the same thing and he broke it as well, and I am now running away. But it seemed like the pain this time is more relevant than before.

I don’t want to trust anyone anymore. Even with small things. Because whatever thinking you have in that person, there will always come a day when that person will break your trust in them.

I hear loud voices in my head as well as people screaming my name, but Zayn’s voice was the one causing me to run even faster.

“Wait, you have to listen to me!” Should I stop? No. Maybe I should, maybe no.

“What Zayn? That you lied to them and telling those false rumors like we’re together when we’re definitely not? Zayn you know how I feel about you, but you can’t make anything official without my consent.” I said what I had to say then I turned my heel and walked away.

Why would he lie to the boys and the whole world? Who knows how many are affected by this, they don’t even know. He didn’t lie to me but I’m as hurt as if he did.

No one’s chasing me now. I can breathe again and over think what had happened tonight. I despise Zayn, but I couldn’t just make these decisions when I am physically and emotionally tired.

I walk, I don’t know where I’m heading though but I just walk until I decide where I’m going next.

And so I go to Anne’s.

Miraculously when I touch my pockets, there is my key to the house. I thank God and turn the knob to enter. The feeling when I enter this house is the feeling when you haven’t been in the same place your whole lifetime and you just think it’s kind of feel nostalgic.

I turn the lights on and the feeling feels stronger, like this is an abandoned place and I’m going back here again. I feel like I’m in a different universe where all my thoughts run through, and I’ll do this all alone.

I go back up to my room where all One Direction merchandise Anne’s daughter, Jade kept. This doesn’t help much, doesn’t it?

I drag my feet to Anne’s room, where everything is clean and nice, and non-One Direction. I think this is where I’ll stay for now, or until I get everything straight, but then again, I am not sure if I want to get this straight. I think I’ll just have to get my things whenever I can to bring them back here.

But I miss Zayn. And I love him, and I know I couldn’t stay mad at him, but I can’t just forgive him like nothing happened. If only everything was as easily as forgive and forget.

I start to snooze and I know now that I will leave this world for only a few hours, but I wish it was a lifetime, I don’t want to face these anymore.