Darted Hearts

35

35

“Shut it Dem.” Iritado kong saway sa kanya habang binabalaranda niya ang poster ng 07 Ghost na anime sa harap ko.

Si Frau na isa sa mga character ay nasa harap and unfortunately, the great Dominador knew who he is.

“Ang gwapo ni Frau dito! Ang cool niyang tingnan sa Holy Coat niya Arry!” Ani Demi sabay taas baba ng kilay niya.

Patuloy niya pa ring pinapamukha sa akin ang magarang pigura ni Frau.

Habang naglalakad kami sa mall kanina, nahagilap ni Demi ang poster na iyon na nakadisplay sa window ng shop at agad naman iyong binili ng bulldog.

I know it made him remember someone.

“Frau? It has the same name with your ex boyfriend, Riya.” Inosenting wika ni Vast na agad namang nakatanggap ng batok mula kay Haste.

“Mother! Father! What did I do?” Nakasimangot at gulat na usal niya habang hawak ang kanyang ulo.

“You insensitive freak! Just shut up, idiot.” Sita ni Haste na umani rin agad na tawa mula sa akin.

Napangisi ako sa kainosentihan ni Vast. Just how cute he is.

“Yeah. I guess so, Vast. I think it’s just a coincidence.” I winked at him at tuluyan nang tumayo upang pumunta sa kwarto ko.

Ni hindi ko na sila nilingon. Diretso lang ako sa aking kwarto, kagat-kagat ang aking labi upang mapigilan ang luha.

As I closed the door of my room ay hindi ko na agad pinigilan ang pag agos ng luhang nagbabadya mula kanina.

After all those years, I just can’t believe it na ganito pa rin ako kaapektado sa kanya.

I’ve been all well and all, thanks to my family and my friends. Ngunit may mga oras pa rin na hindi ko napipigilan ang emosyon ko. To long for him, I don’t know if it’s still good or not.

Ni wala na akong balita sa kanya. Sa loob ng apat na taon, I was not able to hear anything from him. Not even a single detail.

Marami namang paraan upang malaman kung kumusta na siya but I deprived myself of doing so. It’s for the both of us I guess.

I don’t know if he’s oblivious of my whereabouts or not. Or maybe, sila nga siguro ang nagkatuluyan ni Delancy and that will deprive him from reaching me or even think about me.

I miss him. I could never deny that. But what he has done to me, that was just too much.

Nang marinig ko muli ang pangalan niya, hindi ko maipagkakailang may dumaang kaunting kirot sa puso ko.

How is he? Where is he? May pamilya na kaya siya? That four long years, marami na ang pwedeng mangyari.

Would you call me crazy, naive, and dumb for wanting to be with him again? Matatawag niyo ba akong tanga kung hanggang ngayon mahal ko pa rin siya?

He’s been the only man I loved. I’ve given up to myself. I’ve let myself be defeated by these emotions and feelings I have for him. Kahit anong pilit kong tanggalin na siya sa sistema ko, hindi ko kaya.

My whole being would always long for his touch, his hug, his kiss, his warmth... his presence.

You see, I tried. I tried opening my heart again... but then I failed... just as much how I failed everybody, just as much how I failed Haste.

“The air is too refreshing!” Maligayang sigaw ko habang mas dinadama ang malamig na simoy ng hangin na yumayakap at nanunuot sa balat ko.

Wearing a black bikini, humilig ako sa railings ng yate at hinayaan ang buhok kong sumabog dahil sa lakas ng hangin.

“I told you it’s fun here.” Ngisi ni Haste at tumabi sa aking nakatayo.

The deep blue ocean of Mexico is very enticing! Kahit tingin palang ay talagang makukuha ka na. Surrounded by the greenest mountains, it appeared more magical.

Dumako ang tingin ko sa dalawang taong naghahabulan habang sakay ang jetski. They must be a couple.

Napalunok ako habang nakatitig sa kanila. A sudden memory hit my mind followed by an upsetting reaction of my heart. Napalunok ako.

Yeah, the same old scene I had when I was with him. Diko pa rin naiiwasang hindi masaktan.

The jetski. Us. In an island... I remembered what he said during that time.

"Remember that Scarlet, I will always follow you wherever you'll go, masusundan at masusundan pa rin kita. Even if you will hide in the deepest part of this world... try me Scarlet... kahit impyerno hahalughugin ko makita lang kita, sisiguraduhin kong andoon ako kung nasaan ka. Remember that."  Those were the exact words he said.

I’m just right here Frau. It’s been three years but where are you? Were you already tired of looking for me? Am I difficult to find? Or are you really even looking for me? I bet not. Matagal mo na sana akong nahanap kung ganoon.

“You remembered him?” Tanong ni Haste dahilan kung bakit ako napalingon sa direksyon niya.

I stared at those pair of pitch black eyes. It looked at me with full of adoration, full of love, full of concern.. and there I saw something. I saw pain in his eyes.

“I shouldn’t be, that was already three years ago. I’m sorr--”

“Don’t be.” Malungkot na ngiti niya.

Parang pinipiga ang puso ko habang nakakatitig sa kanya. The man who’s been there at my best and never left me at my worst, the man who’s always there to make me happy, the man who loves me so much, and the man that I’ve been hurting because of these unsettled feeling.

It pained me seeing him like this. I tried, yes. I love Haste but I know it’s not enough. Ayaw kong magmahal ng iba at gamitin siya upang makalimutan si Frau. It’s never been right and will never be.

My feelings for Frau were too intense. A dangerous one, consuming all my being.

Ang sakit na nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ay diko kaya. I looked down, trying to avoid my gaze from his intense stare.

Ilang taon na ang nakalipas ngunit tuwing bumabalik ang ala-ala ay pareho paring sakit ang naidudulot nito.

I can’t let Haste be hurt just because I’m still hurting of what has happened in the past.

“You may not say it but trust me Riya, I know. You don’t have to force yourself.” Aniya at marahang inangat ang baba ko.

“I’m sorry Haste. I don’t wanna hurt you. I’m sorry but please don’t leave m--”

“Leave you? Riya, I can survive swimming in the ocean of pain, I can still come out alive... but seeing you like this? Seeing you in pain and suffering? Riya, it would drown me to hell. Please...”

Mas lalo akong naiyak dahil sa sinabi niya. God, what good thing did I do to deserve Haste in my life?

Marahan niyang pinahid ang mga luha sa pisngi ko at nagpatuloy.

“Please, just be strong. I know you are. I can’t afford seeing you like this. And please, stop thinking that I would leave you. You, loving me or not will never change the fact that I will never leave you... unless you will tell me so.” May bahid na pait at sakit ang dinulot sakin sa mga huling salitang binitawan niya.

Walang pag-aalinlangan ko siyang yinakap at sinubsob ko ang aking mukha sa matipunong dibdib niya.

“I’m sorry Haste. I’m so sorry.” That’s what I kept on murmuring the whole time I hugged him and as he hugged me back.

What I had with Frau was just too precious. They told me to forget him, date another guy, enjoy life and have fun ‘till I forget him and this pain he caused inside... I already did those things but where did it led me? Sa kanya pa rin.

Nakasakit na ako ng tao’t lahat pero ano? In the long run, I just can’t lie to myself.

What’s your plan cupid? After darting our hearts, wounding it with your stupid motherfucking arrow, iiwanan mo nalang? Will you ever mind fixing it? Can these broken hearts be mended?

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A/N. Mahal pa rin kita Haste! Hahaha Ako nalang, wag na si Riya.