Goodnight, love

Our Seasons

That autumn morning,
When the wind scattered leaves,
Reminding me of our memories,
Leaves chasing each other like we did.

The sun rose high,
Shining down upon me,
Reminding me of the glorious light we used to bask under,
Wishing for memories to replay itself.

That winter evening,
The snow dropped hopes crashing down,
Tears melting along the snow,
As I thought of how you formed nightmares out of dreams.

The stars scatter up above,
Like the now shattered memories,
It's glow reminding me of how bright our dreams used to be,
Reminding me of how happy we used to be.

It played behind my eyelids,
Flashing and cinema screens,
With my emotions screaming as the scenes replayed,
Telling it to stop.

The tears of my blood,
Dripping trough me,
Flooding my system,
Breaking me.

Sometimes I wish you didn't change,
Sometimes I wish that  I'd wake from this nightmare,
Sometimes I wish that I've never met you,
Sometimes I wish that this never happened and that I could forget you.

Most of the time I'd long for the firsts,
Our firsts,
The starting of everything,
Where everything had enough passion to light the world up.

The first autumn we'd met,
The first kiss we'd had,
The first promises we said,
And when our hands first entwined.

Because those first are the times we cannot return to,
The days when we long for each other most,
The days when the taste of your lips lingered,
The days you touch made my veins sing.

But those days were over,
You turned from the knight to a monster,
A prince to an enemy,
The promising soldier to a liar.

Sometimes I wish that I never knew you,
That I never met anyone during autumn,
That my heart never beaten for you,
That I never sighed in the sound of your name.

I wish that today would never come,
That you didn't have to change,
That I wouldn't have to rip the autumn leaves and forget you,
That I would never see you cry.

Sometimes I wish I didn't break up with you,
Wish that you didn't threaten me to shoot yourself,
Didn't try to cage me for I'm all you have,
Sometimes I wished that you never killed yourself.

Hoped that spring never came,
That the truth wouldn't finally dawn on me,
That the flowers of my sins never bloomed,
That my heart started beating for another.

I'm sorry for not being there,
For not telling you to stop changing,
For leaving you,
And for letting you die.

I'm sorry I never loved you anymore,
I'm sorry for putting you through hell,
I'm sorry for my heart that stopped sharing,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

This would be a burden that'd never leave me,
I'd never forget the smiles you gave me,
The tears that streamed down your face as you pointed the gun barrel at you,
And the way you used to make my heart beat.

May your glorious soul be happy,
For you died a hero,
Thank you for the love and other contribution,
For the smiles and snuggles I received.

Tho I'm happy that you're free,
There's only summer left,
One more season to go through,
One more events to see.

I'd admit the sad truth,
I'd be forgetting a part of you,
I'd move on and make myself happy,
I know it's cruel, but you'd never learn when you anchor yourself to the past.

Sorry for breaking your heart,
Sorry for the unfulfilled promises,
Sorry for the unforgivable selfishness,
Sorry for the slap across your soul.

I'd more likely only forget a part of me then,
And the cruel things that you've done,
I need to advance,
And think of you as a kind hearted obstacle.

I look forward to the summer sun,
The rays shining at me,
Reminding of me life that awaits,
Reminding me of things that I don't have to promise.

Thank you for the lessons you taught,
Lessons you've taught trough the seasons,
Different shades of feelings,
And the different memories that we shared.

Thank you for everything that you've done,
For aiming a knife at my heart,
For killing my soul,
Thanks for the lessons I'd have to learn.

May the knives from our seasons drop down,
Release,
May you forget about me forever,
I'm really sorry, goodbye.