Goodnight, love

Midnight Suicide

I stared bellow,
To the asphalt of busy vehicles,
Smiling children,
Watch them remind me of who I used to be.

Remind of that girl who's night never came,
She who never ventured through the night,
Who's smiles were never painted,
Who's heart was not yet torn apart.

Not of the girl who cried her eyes out,
Not the girl who's nights were illuminated by fraud lights,
Not the girl who was torn apart,
By you.

I thought of silly thoughts,
That if I jumped from this side of the building,
I'd forget everything,
I'd be happy.

But it was a nice thought then,
That f I die,
I'd run away from you,
Away from this madness.

Maybe I should listen to the voices in my head,
The ones that I tried to block out by these silly headphones,
I smiled a sad smile to myself,
I know that I had to fight this losing war.

I walked away,
Tears stream down my face,
But I smiled for myself,
Because I know even if your armor's broken you have to fight this losing war.

I hugged myself,
Blasting my music at its loudest,
Trying to force out the voices,
Forcing me to jump.

I close my eyes,
I thought of you,
The days when we were younger,
When you promised to stay for me.

But those promises were broken,
You said they were meant to be that way,
When I started wishing to the sun,
That you and I would be what we used to.

Those nights,
When the lights went out,
And the stars never came,
You wrapped your hands around me telling my screams to hush.

But those days were over now,
I spent my days trying to forget,
Trashing walls,
But I never did.

You killed that innocent girl,
Painted my life black,
My dreams red,
You took my innocence.

I became the most wanted criminal in this city,
But I never blamed you for it,
I sat silent,
Laughing as I killed people.

Maybe if I jumped off that building,
I'd be able to smile again,
That I'd be able to reunite with our memories,
As children.

'Maybe if I painted the asphalt red,' I thought,
'Like how you painted my dreams,
I'll know how joy feels like again,
Maybe I can smile a real smile this time.'

I hum to the music,
Trying to forget,
But the music is already at its loudest,
And the voices still demands to be heard.

I never really thought of stopping them,
Because try as I may,
I know they're always right,
That what they say are true.

Said that I was a no good little kid,
My parents said that too,
Said that I was a runner chasing a fleeting dream,
You proved that to me.

So I removed my headphones,
Stopping the music,
And I listened to the voices,
Even though I didn't want to.

It said that I'd be happy,
That I'd soar the skies when I jump,
That you'd love me again,
That we'll be together.

I shook my head,
Pressing it harder into the pillow,
I was a stubborn child after all,
I'll not bow down, even to death.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep,
Tried to be oblivious to all this,
Tried to dream that all never happened,
That I was still the little kid with a sunny smile and sunny skies.

I awoke in the middle of the night,
They day still haven't rose,
The lights stopped fraud lights shining,
And the stars never shown.

The voices became even louder,
I screamed for help,
For you,
But this time you weren't there.

I think it's time that I bow down to the inevitable,
To something I thought I never would,
But there's nothing more a broken girl could do,
But do the inevitable and just lose this losing war.

I returned to the side of that building,
Said my normal goodbye and hellos,
To the other people I pass by that night,
But this time I know it'd be the last.

Last I see their faces,
Last I see their smiles,
The last I said hello,
The last I say goodbye.

As I neared the end of the building,
I thought of how'd this pop up all over the news,
How I'd be known as the girl who gave up,
The girl they've never known.

I took a deep breath and swore to die,
That I'd never be there to sympathize,
That I'd be in your arms again,
And we will seize the memories you have forgotten.

I took all my courage and took the plunge,
I wished that you were there to catch me when I fall,
But I know you won't and that I'm all alone,
So I smile to myself as I hit the ground.

I smiled weakly to the people that surrounded me,
As I happily painted the floor with Crimson,
They cared now that I'm on my final breath,
And oh look, he's there too.

How twisted could this world be,
But I smiled and waved at him even with my heart aflame,
He waved back,
And I can't help but smile wider.

And with little left of my life,
I closed my eyes,
The smile was painted,
And so were the asphalt.

My days are over,
And sometimes I regret,
The choices i have done,
But I had always have.

But I will always remember that night,
When the criminal died,
The stars showed up,
And the people were happy again.

Their twisted hearts content,
Even they boy who faded,
Smiled and showed up,
To greet me and my last hello.

But l'll never forget that night,
When I found my smile,
When I followed my heart,
When the voice finally ended.

When I finally stopped chasing for fleeting butterflies,
When my dreams toppled from the skies,
When reality fell on me,
When I'd reunited to you and me and what we used to be.