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I paddle faster, Faster by the minute, Legs aching, Thoughts far and wandering.
I don't think about the windmills up ahead, I think of you, Your smile, And the things we've done together.
I imagine a silhouette between the mills, Your eyes gleaming of joy, Teeth ivory white, A memory imprinted at the back of my head.
So I paddle faster, The bike at it's full speed, Thinking that I might return, To a memory supposed to be forgotten.
To the days that have ended, The night spent gazing up the starry night sky, A smile brighter than the sun, Eyes that were never streaked of tears.
Our hands entangled together, Laughter mixing in the air, Painting the skies in shades of orange and gold, Red the color of us.
I smile at the memory of you, Of us, What we used to be, What we aren't anymore.
I neared the windmills, Trailing golden memories after me, Ones I wish to forget, Ones I can't forget, ever.
Almost there, I thought, I'm almost there, I'll see you again, babe, I'll be with you once more.
Then a tear streaked past my lashes, As I remember that day, That day our promises ended, That day when your days ended.
That day when you passed away, I remember myself, Wanting to die and join you, a better option then, Than living a day without you.
I swiped at the tears furiously, Only to blink and realize, That the shadow of you is gone, So did the colors that painted me, everything.
It's just me, And my demons grinning down at me, Razor sharp teeth, Ready to devour.
I cried for help, I realized, That I was all alone, So I raised my mighty sword.
I can't do this, I can't, But I try, For half the time what I think is always wrong.
I swing me sword, Chest heaving, Palm sweating, Body trembling.
I'm back, To when I was a child, Facing off the bullies, But ends up going home bruised.
But then even you were there, There beside me, The hero, Willing to help me.
Whilst now, I'm all alone, In this pitch black world, A game that I've lost in.
I cursed myself, Because I pushed you away, I pushed you far, And now I won't be able to see you again.
You said you loved me, And I foolishly believed it, Now I realized, That I'm unlovable.
Nobody could love me, Not a person with demons, Demons darker than the night, Ones I have yet to fight.
Ones I have yet to conquer, Ones I feel that I can't, Ones who's kingdom I won't rule, For a slave will never be their king.
My screams won't help, So I raised my sword, I smile dad devilishly as I can, If I die, at least I'd die trying.
The demons I've brought upon myself, The starless nights I've pulled over like blankets, Blankets that are seeping into my bones, Becoming one with my body.
I had let it eat me whole, Let it become me, I tried fighting, But it didn't work.
So I let it swallow me whole, Maybe somethings aren't supposed to die, Maybe these demons can be my scars, To remind me of who we were.
With every passing second, The gash diggs deeper, The pain killing me, But it heals.
The pain subsides, Becoming one The demons and I are one, We've always been.
The colors came back , The sky has a tinge of blue now, Our colors of red, yellow and gold, Slowly ebbing away.
I trudged pass the mills, Faster towards the sunset, Colors of it painting an orange hue on me, Brightening the smile on my face.
I reached for the sunset, Emerge trough it, Reborn anew, With a better tomorrow.
I'm sorry for what I've done to you, My heart longs for you, still, After all these years, I don't think I'd be able to love someone as I did you.
Even as I awoke, On a day with a brighter sun, I won't death do us part, It would be only you and I, together.
I rushed towards the sun, Racing away from the night, A full blown grin, Determined beating heart.
I smiled even wider, As I let the night conquer me, I dropped my sword, And let us be one
Then I halted the biked, Lying on the grassy hill side, Thinking how I overcame the pain, I stared at the starry skies.
I could almost feel you, But I know you're not there, But at the back of my head, I know we'd be together, time and time again.
