You were the one who made me laugh. Who painted my black to white. The one who turned my lead to gold. The one who fixed my heart. You were the one who made me feel like I could fly. That someday I'd reach the sky. You were the one who got me dreaming, wishing to the stars on a dark night. I thought you were my hero. My angel. The savior. My warrior. I thought that you'd be mine. I thought that it could be us. I thought that we'd spent our days together. That we'd be able to reach the stars. That you were the one who'd dry my tears. The one who I'd wish to be with forever. I thought you were my best friend. Thought you were my brother. Thought we could be together. Fighting for each other. Thought that we had one war, and we'd be there together. But then you were also the person you ripped my battered heart apart. The one who made me lose a soul piece I held so deep. That you were the person who made me cry. The person who made me feel that I shouldn't have been alive. You were the person who made me throw my dreams. You were the person to make realize that all I had was false. You were the person who started killing my jokes. The one who made me realize that nothing would ever last. The person who made me remember that the past is the past. The person who made it clear that they should be forgotten.
I realize that what I had thought was terribly wrong. That I am blind. I'm a dreamer with no eyes. A dreamer who's wishes reached the skies. Who's wishes were never going to happen. I realized that nobody would ever befriend an ugly duckling. That nobody would care for the bearded woman at a freak show. That I would never be who I dreamt I would be. I realize that even the brightest lights fade. That stars explode and everything was not what I thought I had seemed. I realize that I never really had a person beside me. That I'm fighting a losing war. That I must be courageous. And fight my demons alone. Realized that the brightest things fade the fastest. That I must paint smiles even though my own is fading. That I must walk this endless road alone. Dragging around a backpack, filled with memories of us. Memories to be forgotten. That I must preform to mask what's aching inside. That I should smile and never let a tear streak past. That I must drag a ton of gold, on a chain wrapped around my neck. That I must bring people up, even if I can't bring myself. Realized that my rocket would never soar the skies. And I won't be able to touch the stars. That all of what I had would never really happen. I realized that what I had thought of you, had ever been real at all.
Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. Wishing that somehow time could rewind. To the days before us, to the past you told me to forget. Sometimes i wish I had never met you. That everything has stayed the same before you and I happened. Sometimes I wished that my demons didn't rule the land. Sometimes I wished that what I realized was all a lie. Sometimes I wish that all of this was all a nightmare. That all this never happened. That I wasn't so moody so that I could paint smiles on more people. That I was stronger. That I could win this fight. And sometimes I wish that I was never who I am. That I was a different person entirely. That I was better.
I am a dreamer who's dream were shattered. I'm a poet who is writing an essay format poem. I am a believer who's dreams were shattered. A person who you turned into a the slight monster. But I'm not blaming you for any of this. I'm perfectly fine. I'll sew t myself soon. Sew me shut from everybody who ever knew me and everybody who dares to know. I am a liar. A player of words. One who makes magic out of emotions and I deserve to be punished. I thank you that, even for a small period of time, we became friends. Thank you for every smile that graced my face. For the dreams shattered. For uncovering who I really am. For the lessons you've taught me.
I'm sorry that I graced your life. I'm sorry that I tried to make you smile. I'm sorry for our secrets spilled. I should've left you alone. I'm really sorry. But right now even if you love a person so much, you have to let go. Because sometimes it hurts more to hold on than to forget this ever happened.
This is my leave, the time I say goodbye. So Mr. Heartbreaker, I bid you farewell. With all my heart and tear streaked eyes that you'd be free at last.
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