Just When I Needed You Most (Sequel to Forever & Always)

Chapter 25

TIM POV: They moved back my set so I could get some time to calm down. I told Wilson to make sure nobody], except the kids, come in the room. I don't think I can talk to Carrie right now. I love her, but I don't want her to think that I'm still hung up on Faith, even though I still have a right to miss her. 

"Tim you ready?" Wilson yells through the door.

"I think..."

"Alright, then lets do this!" He says. I open the door and he walks me to the stage. I have to do this whole Intro that they didn't even practice in rehearsals. They have everything on a teleprompter, but I feel like that isn't right for how close we were. I don't want to be scripted for this. 

Keith Urban introduces me. I walk on stage, give him a handshake then take center stage. 

"If Faith knew one thing it was how to touch people with a song. Most of the songs she recorded weren't one's that she wrote, which was a shame, because most of the songs she wrote were amazing. I actually have one of her songs that I'm going to perform tonight but first, I would like to show a few clips." The room darkens as the big screen behind me lights up. Some of these videos are from way before she became famous. The first one was her audition for her record label. She still had her strong Mississippi accent and her poofy hair. This was recorded in 1994.

"Hi! My name is Faith Hill and I'll be singing Take A Piece Of My Heart by Janis Joplin." She says as she sings. Back then she was extremely raw, but still incredible.

The next clip comes up with me and her on the Spontaneous Combustion Tour. I'm singing to her "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight." by England Dan & John Ford Coley. She smiles as she stares deep into my eyes. Then, it shows a picture of her with Gracie and Maggie while she was pregnant with Audrey.

The next clip was of us singing Blown Away, right before the bomb went off. I get a knot in my throat.

"You say you didn't mean to do it, but we both know you didn't even have to try. I was blown away, like papers in the wind. Like dust off the family bible when you find you way again. I was blown away like those gold October leaves. Like the beauty in a Carolina sky. The first time that you let me kiss you I, was blown away." We harmonize effortlessly. She smiles at me and mouths the words to me that I must not have seen at the time. I Love You. I feel tears begin to come from my eyes. 

The final clip was of her talking to Robin Roberts, about her worst fears. It plays the interview in its entirety.

"This is chemistry! Can I just say it? You guys are hot together, and it's just chemistry." Robin says referring to us.

"I love him, I love my husband."

"But how do you keep it, after 15 years."

"I don't know, I just love him. Sometimes he drives me nuts, and I drive him nuts. I'm OCD and Type A. He's just like the immediate, that's the choices he makes. We're very- we work differently, but I don't know. I still really melt when I see my husband. I do. And I know it's like ichhh so disgusting" She says gagging. "But I do. And I- I want to be with this man for my life." More and more tears come as I see that girl I once knew play in front of thousands.

"Finish this sentence: My greatest fear is..." Robin says.

"Oh my gosh. I can't even say what my worst fear is. I can't even-imagine."

"Fear doesn't even register for you?"

"No, it does, absolutely. Being without my family. Yeah that would be- I can't even say this, because I'm going to cry. Oh my gosh- Okay" She says fanning away tears. "I didn't mean for this to be a cry- I can't even imagine. Yeah, that would be my greatest fear." She says, still trying not to cry. 

I wonder if she knew that losing her was my biggest fear.

The lights come back on, revealing me crying. I've became a major cry-baby ever since this all happened. I think it's within reason.

"If anyone knew Faith, they knew how she put family first." I say, taking a break to recollect myself. "I'm so lucky that my children have been blessed to have had her as a mother. I'm also very blessed to have had her as a wife for almost 20 years. She's one of those people you don't see twice. She was one of those people who would pass you on the sidewalk, and years later you would be thinking about her. Our entire marriage seemed to go not as planned. For instance, the day I purposed to her, she was 3 hours late for our 'special' date. Of course, it was because her first real TV interview went longer than expected. Then there was how we had been trying so hard to have another kid after we had Maggie, but we had no luck so we gave up. Two months later, Audrey came along. Lastly, there was the promise that we would grow old together and sit in rocking chairs out in the backyard...  She was taken too soon. She wasn't supposed to go first. She was always better with the girls and she knew how to mourn outside of a bottle. She was the most incredible, and rare woman out there. She might be gone, but her love lives on. There was no one who could give more love than she could. I could only dream of having a heart that big." I say. At this point I just let the tears roll down. There's no point in wiping them anymore. I don't know what else to say and everyone is already applauding, so I might as well move on to the song.

"Okay! Well now that all the talking is over, here's a song that Faith wrote one night when she was in the hospital, waiting for me to wake up from a coma. So here it goes, and hopefully I don't screw this up!" I say trying to lighten the mood.

"I've been caught sideways out here on the crossroads, trying to buy back the pieces I lost of my soul. It's hard when the devil won't get off your back. It's like carrying around the past in a hundred pound sack. Today, I'm gonna keep on walking. I'm gonna hold my head up high. I'm gonna leave it all behind. Today, I'm gonna stand out in the rain. Let it wash it all away, oh, Wash it all away. I'm gonna let it go." The crowd roars, as expected. The lyrics represent so much hurt and fear but yet hope. She seizes to amaze me.

"Skeletons and Ghosts are hiding in the shadows. Threatening me with all the things that they know. Choices and mistakes, they all know my name. But I'm through holding in and holding onto all that pain. Today, I'm gonna keep on walkin'..." I continue to sing. I wrap up the song and everybody stands clapping. I clap myself as I look back at the screen of a big picture of her with the girls. I smile, and can't hide it. She was so beautiful.

"Okay, I have to torture y'all with one more song. I wrote this write after her funeral. I don't remember writing it, saying that I was trying to drink away my feelings. This song pretty much describes our entire marriage and friendship. She may not be here today, but there's always going to be a piece of me that's with her. Before I get to my luck again, here's Halo. This is for you baby."