Raising Daniel

5

'Hey Dan, it dnt no if u remember me from the xmas party, but i was wondering if u wanted to get a drink sumtime? I'm so sorry about how I left you the next day and want 2 apologise in person. Hannah xxx'

My eyes reread the message a dozen times before my brain understood what was happening. At first I thought it was a wrong number text. But it said my name. And it said her name. It had been weeks. I still thought about her. A lot. I created little scenarios in my head of bumping into her and it not being awkward. I held conversations in my head of what I'd say to her if I ever saw her again. Hundreds of them. But not one had involved her asking me out. I fell even harder for her.

But did she just want a repeat of what had happened before? Like I was some easy lay? Or did she feel so wracked with guilt that she'd have to confess it was a mistake and her husband had found out?

I consulted Will, the oldest of my bandmates, for help. How could I respond to this message without seeming desperate and insane?

'Do you want to see her again?' I honestly didn't know. I didn't think I had any dignity left for her to trash, so what was there to lose? Would seeing her again get this tight feeling off my chest? I shrugged.

'Just write, 'that would be great, when and where?'' He suggested.

'Doesn't that seem needy?''

'Fine then, tell her to fuck off then. I'm sick of listening to you moping on about her.'

'What?! I never said a word about her, it's you guys winding me up. Wait a second...' Something clicked in my mind. 'This is a wind up isn't it? How would she get my number?

'She works for us! That's how she's got your number. Why would we wind you up?'

'I'm onto you. I can play this game too, you shits.'

I text back the number, offering to meet at a pub near our offices in central London the following day. I'd play along with their little game, but I wouldn't be made a fool of again. But it didn't stop me thinking 'what if?'. I felt nervous and scared. My palms began to sweat at the thought of being alone with Hannah.

I was torn between making an effort to look nice and wearing my normal black wolf shirt, jeans and Converse. The boys promised me it wasn't a wind up. They had confessed it had gone through their minds, but they must have seen how torn up I was about the whole thing.

I walked in, my heart pounding loudly in my chest and sat at the bar, ordering myself an ale. I couldn't see her yet. But I had arrived ten minutes early. I felt sick to my stomach. If she turned up, what would we talk about? Work? The weather? Anything but that night. I checked my phone for the time and to double check my message definitely said this place and time. I looked round for any sign of my friends hiding behind menus to see how long I'd wait for my date. The time came and passed. Though I'd known it was a wind up, it didn't stop me feeling disappointed.

I heard the door open and shut behind me. I daren't turn around. I took a big sip of my drink.

'Sorry I'm late, Dan.' I turned to face the lovely sound of her voice. She seemed flustered but every bit as beautiful as I remembered. She wore her hair up in a long ponytail, showing off her long neck, a little gold locket around it. She had on a floaty summer dress and a little white cardigan and suddenly I felt like a scruff.

'Don't be sorry. I'm glad you came.'

'Why wouldn't I? I asked you out remember?' I could feel my cheeks flush red.

'Well I kind of thought my friends were playing a trick on me, so I'm just happy I was wrong.'

'You have odd friends. Do you mean Kyle?' She smiled knowingly. I forgot she knew them too.

'The three of them.' I stood up and pulled the seat next to me out for her to sit down. 'What can I get you to drink?'

'A glass of wine would go down nicely right now.' She huffed out her cheeks. I made a note of the ring on her wedding finger. I knew I'd been right, that she had been too good to be true.

'Everything ok? We can do this another time if you're busy-'

'Oh no no, I need this. I can't remember the last time I had a grown up drink with a nice man.' I found myself holding back a laugh. A nice man? She clearly didn't know me at all. 'And I'm so sorry about before, about rushing off, and then not getting in touch with you.' I felt so awkward. Now the moment had come, I didn't need an apology. And my guess about her feeling guilty for cheating on her husband was right. If I had known she was married I would never have kissed her or taken her back to the hotel.

'I understand. It's fine.'

'There was an emergency at home.'

'I hope everything's ok now?'

'Oh it's ok, she found her teddy bear in the end.' Hannah laughed. I was confused. And I must've looked confused too. 'My three year old, Lily, lost her teddy, Boris, and the babysitter was freaking out because she wouldn't stop crying. So. Yeah.'

'You have a kid?' I tried to hide my shock. It wasn't a bad thing, far from it, but I had no idea. She had given me no clues at all to her personal life.

'I have two. Lily and Maddie, who's eleven.'

'Wow, you have your hands full then. Does your husband help out a lot?' I saw her face fall and her eyes averted down to her wedding ring. She fiddled with it and spun it around as she spoke.

'I'm no longer married. I just haven't taken it off yet.'

'Sorry.' I quickly said, trying to limit the upset I seemed to have caused. 'Was it amicable? Does he see his children?'

'He died a year ago.' I cursed myself. I had put my foot right in. Not five minutes into a conversation and I had upset her.

'Hannah, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to pry-'

'Its ok. I wasn't sure what the etiquette on telling people was. Do you tell them as you introduce yourself? 'Hi, I'm Hannah, the widow.' Or do you wait until the fifth date? I'm sorry if I've led you on or anything...'

'Not at all. I'm sorry for your loss. It must've be tough bringing up two children alone and with your job too.'

'I don't mind it. They are both angels, so clever and funny. Do you want to see a photo?' I nodded enthusiastically. I had watched her face light up as she spoke about her children. She whipped out her phone and leaned in so it was between us both. She showed me a photo of the two of them, equally as beautiful as she was, smiling up at us. They were both blond haired and brown eyed.

'They're so sweet.' I told her. She beamed. I glanced down at her glass, she'd almost finished it already. 'Another?' I suggested. She nodded.

'I don't get to go out often.' She smiled.

My heart swelled. What a weird date. I had gone there, certain that I was the butt of a joke, and left it, with her coming back to mine, certain that I had just found the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.