Raising Daniel

22

I watched over my two girls as they slept peacefully. Hannah in the bed and Baby Girl Smith (as she'd been dubbed by the midwives) in her little plastic cot. The nurses had fed her and dressed her, showing me quickly how it was done. I swelled with pride. For the first time in a while I felt I could breathe easily. They were both ok. The baby was here safe and I could now convince Hannah to take the radical treatment. Maybe now the baby had been born she would change her mind. I was sure that we could still beat this. Hannah had looked so well during the wedding and our little honeymoon. I had rang Doctor Edmonds to tell him the baby was born and to see if we could get a new CT scan to check for any changes.

Hannah woke just in time for the girls arrival to meet their new sister. I took her out of the cot and passed her to Hannah. Once again, her face lit up as she looked at our baby. I kissed them both. I didn't think it possible for my heart to have anymore room in it for another person. But she slotted in nicely, this little person. I wondered what she would grow to be. A dancer. A singer like me. An accountant. A doctor. She could be anything and I would be proud of her.

'I'm so proud of you. You certainly made the best choice. I can't imagine ever not having this.'

'She's going to be one spoilt little lady.' I agreed. I looked down at her, sleeping so soundly, unaware of the heartache we were going through. I could see all the hope and wonder that lay before her, so cruelly juxtaposed next to her Mother. I took her little finger, quiet possibly the smallest thing I had ever seen, and I made her a promise. That I would never let anyone hurt her. I would kill anyone who ever upset her. I would fight for her and protect her forever. If only I could make it so she grew up with both her Mummy and Daddy.

'You make sure she knows how much I love her. You'll have to love her twice as much.' Hannah had read my mind.

'You don't have to worry about that, she'll know. And she's got two big sisters that will help me with that.'

Lily had been so excited about being a big sister. I just hoped she would keep her end of the bargain about sharing her toys. Maddie was the first to enter the room sheepishly. I got up to hug her and whisper an apology in her ear about the horrible scene earlier that morning. I thought she'd handled it very well. I thanked Jane for bringing them.

'Do you want to meet your sister?' Hannah asked them. I lifted Lily up so she could see the baby, all bundled up in blankets, just her face visible. Lily 'awwwwed' and touched her face, laughing when the baby started to cry. Maddie was wide mouthed.

'Shes so small and beautiful.'

'She looks like you, Maddie, just like when you were born.' Hannah told her. They both sat on either side of their Mum. I pulled out my phone so I could get a picture of my four girls together.

'You get in there too Dan.' Jane took my phone and I picked Lily up to put on my knee, an arm around Hannah and the baby. Our first photo as a family of five. We spent the evening meeting the baby, all getting to grips with how small she was. Even cooing over her as she screamed. She was a little fighter, all arms and legs and lungs.

We now had to think of a name. We had thought of a few, but now she was here, all pink and petite, the short list didn't work. She needed a gentle, pretty name.

'Lily.' Suggested Lily.

'Hazel?' I liked Maddie's suggestion. But she didn't look like a Hazel. We must've gone through a hundred names.

'Scarlett?' Hannah suggested. It hadn't been on the list, but it jumped out. Scarlett. A strong, fighting name.

'Scarlett.' I agreed. 'Hello Scarlett.'

'When can you come home?' Maddie asked.

'A week or two. You need to help Dan get everything organised for this little one. We weren't quite expecting her just yet.' The whole time, Scarlett just lay in her Mothers arms, so content and chilled out. Even when being passed around she didn't seem to mind. It was a good thing, because Lily would soon be treating her like one of her dolls.

The girls and I were being kicked out at eight so Hannah could get some much needed rest. We all hugged and kissed Hannah. I told her, again, how proud I was of her, how much I loved her. She clung onto Lily and Maddie tightly, like she didn't want to let them go.

'Be good for Dan, do as he tells you.' She warned them both. Maddie rolled her eyes and smiled. 'And you too, Dan. Be good.' She laughed. I lingered at the door, smiling at my beautiful wife. I wished I could stay all night, but it was hospital rules. The midwives were there to help with Scarlett while Hannah was recovering from the surgery. She'd had two caesareans before so she knew the drill. But it didn't stop me wanting to bundle them both out so we could enjoy our precious time together.

Jane drove us home, my car had been towed and impounded. I spent the whole journey looking down at the photo on my phone. Despite the horrendous start to the day, which now felt like a lifetime ago, it had been both the most exhausting and the best day of my life. I had got to meet my daughter for the first time, been the first person to hold her and I got to share that with the woman I loved. I just couldn't wait to get back there in the morning to see their sweet faces.