Raising Daniel

20

Our honeymoon the following day after the wedding had consisted of a trip to the seaside with the girls, it was the furthest I dared to drive away from the hospital. With the due date just four weeks away and Hannah so tired, I didn't want to wear her out. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. We ate fish and chips by the sea, walked down the beach with ice creams, or Hannah waddled, Lily had a ride on a donkey, and I even won a teddy from a grabbing machine. After spending about £20.

'But I want one, please?' Lily had begged. But every time I grabbed the Hello Kitty teddy, it fell from the claw. But finally, I got it. We all screamed.

'Thank you Daddy!' Lily cried. We had all heard her. It had been the first time she'd called me it, and no doubt it was just an accident. It made me happy.

Hannah grew tired. We all sat down on the sand, the sun beating down on us, but Hannah shivered. I draped the picnic blanket around her shoulders and cuddled her in. We watched Maddie make a giant sandcastle and Lily knock it down. She chased her little sister all the way to the sea, then the two of them started splashing water at each other. We both laughed as they played happily. Hannah chuckled and lay her head on my shoulder.

Though she was clearly exhausted from the wedding and a day at the seaside, I noticed a real change in Hannah. She seemed content. Happy. She hadn't cried or gotten sad the whole day. If anything, she seemed...well. Her right side didn't seem as weak, the spasms had stopped, all the talk of loss of speech had failed to materialise. Did I dare to hope that maybe the chemo was working? Could she be getting better? I had read an article where a lady who was told she was terminal had beaten it simply by not letting it beat her.

'Husband?' She asked.

'Wife?' I replied.

'Thank you.'

'What for?'

'This.'

'Bringing us to the seaside? I'm just sorry we couldn't go to Paris or Rome or somewhere romantic.'

'Its perfect. And thank you...for being with me. For staying with me. Not running away. For being here for the girls. For...for everything.'

'Hey, I'm the one who should be saying thank you. I've had the best few years of my life with you. I'm so glad that we got to share all this time together. I wish I could go back in time and have none of this ever happen. I would've given the world for you.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too.' I kissed her softly, holding her tight, trying to stop the tears. I didn't want to say goodbye. I wasn't ready. Three months was not long enough. We had so much we still had to do together. Holidays, birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries. I felt so robbed. So cheated out of our life together. I was angry. Sad. Terrified. But I tried to push all that away and just enjoy being here with her. I'd spent the last few months thinking ahead, scared of what was going to happen, I'd missed being in the moment.

The girls all fell asleep in the car home. It was only an hours drive but they were all worn out. I had the radio on low as we drove under street lights, all I could hear was the sound of light breathing and the tyres against the tarmac. We'd had such a lovely day together. I hoped we could fit in a few more once the baby was here. We arrived tater dark and I lifted Lily up and straight into bed whilst Maddie helped her Mum out of the car.

I kissed Maddie goodnight at the bottom of the stairs.

'I had fun today, Dan.' She told me. 'Thanks.'

'Good, me too.'

'You know...I'm glad you got with my Mum. And I'm sorry for all the bad things I said...I just wanna say...' She was fiddling with the sleeves of her black hooded jumper. 'I think you're gonna be a good Dad to me and Lily. And the baby.'

'Thank you Maddie.' I felt my heart swell. What a lovely young girl she was turning out to be. She darted up the stairs, her face flashed red.

Hannah had fallen back to sleep on the sofa. I removed her shoes and my jacket and contemplated letting her sleep on there. She always looked so peaceful when she was asleep. So carefree. But the sofa was no good for her back, when she was already having troubles with the baby pushing against it. I lifted her up in my arms, carried her up the stairs and laid her down in our bed like I had done with Lily. She never even stirred.

I sat in the comfy chair, as I did most nights, watching over her as she slept, before eventually joining her, wrapping my arms around her and the now giant bump, keeping her safe and warm, as always.