Raising Daniel

36

I spent most of Saturday horribly hungover and trying to think of excuses for Sasha not to come for dinner the next day. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings or over think things. What if she'd just said 'it's a date!' as a figure of speech. I'd got no indication that she liked me. But then, I'd been out of the game for a long time and fairly drunk. I was so confused and so guilty for getting myself into this situation. I liked her, she was lots of fun and we did have our grief in common. But there was no way I was ready for a relationship even if I wanted one. I was about to embark on a mini tour of TV and radio stations and I was already juggling enough.

The girls were staying with Jane at home this time. But as soon as things started to kick off and we began traveling overseas, they would all be coming with me. It was a lot to deal with all at once, but I was glad we were doing it. It felt like I had something to focus on now.

I decided to carry on with our drunken plan and then I had dinner to worry about. I'd never done Sunday dinner. But I had to impress her, even if it was for different reasons. I wanted her to see I was coping without Hannah, even if I wasn't.

The girls were excited. They remembered 'auntie Sasha' from before. She was the only female relative they had, apart from their two Grandmothers. If I hoped to gain anything it would be good for Maddie to have a younger female to turn to. Jane, as amazing as she was, probably wasn't as appealing to talk to about girly stuff. The dreaded pubescent stage was fast approaching and I had no idea how to deal with it. Hannah hadn't left me any notes on that.

The door bell rang as I hurriedly picked up toys and kicked shoes into the cupboard. Scarlett was playing happily in her high chair, gnawing on a breadstick. I felt my heart beat speed up and my palms turn sweaty.

'I'LL GET IT!' Roared Lily as she passed me in a blur of blond hair. 'Hello Sasha!' She flung the door open. I greeted her and led her in. She looked really pretty in her jeans and blouse, I thought. Then I reprimanded myself in my head. Idiot.

'Hello Lily! My goodness, look at you, you're so big.' She knelt down and held Lily's hands. Lily blushed. 'Have you been helping Dan cooking?' She pointed to Lily's dress, stained with gravy.

'Daddy let me stir.'

'I can see!' She let Lily's hands go, stood up and hugged me. 'Need any help?'

'I think I got it. Chickens supposed to be pink right?' I joked. She rolled her eyes and headed to the kitchen. I wished she hadn't. It looked like a bomb had gone off. But she didn't notice it, because she was too busy cooing over Scarlett.

'Oh my goodness, someone looks a lot like Daddy!' She already had her out and in her arms. It wasn't the first time someone had said that. I personally didn't see it. She was all Hannah. 'Hello princess, is that a tasty breadstick, could I have some?' She feigned eating it from Scarlett's hand, who clearly was enjoying the attention. She snorted and squealed. I stood back and watched. What an absolute natural. It set off a daydream in my head, of Sasha being their new Mum and I felt myself turn red. What an absurd thing to think. This had to stop.

Maddie came into the kitchen too, now all of us gathered, receiving the same reaction.

'Theres that stunning Madeline. I remember when you were a baby and now look at you...' Maddie blushed. 'You are going to be a beautiful woman, I can just see it, you're just like your Mum.' It seemed like Sasha was a bit overcome with emotion and she pulled Maddie into a hug. I smiled at her from over Sasha's shoulder. 'You all look so....happy. Dan, you've done a brilliant job here, really. What do you reckon girls, how's he doing, out of ten?'

'Twenty nine!' Laughed Maddie.

'A strong seven.' Was Maddie's answer. I took a fake swing for her, which she dodged, giggling.

'I think a strong sevens a good answer.' Sasha grinned at me. I put the kettle on and we picked up where we'd left it on Friday night, swapping stories and catching up. I'd never known someone fit so easily into a family. It was like she had always been here. She wordlessly picked up Scarlett when she began to cry and listened intently to Lily's rambling stories with such enthusiasm. The girls immediately clung to her. After we'd eaten our dinner and no one got food poisoning, she helped me get them all ready for bed, even doing the lunch boxes for me.

Then we were alone and it was in no way awkward for me like I'd thought it would be. We sat with a glass of white wine each on the sofa, she was sat comfortably with her legs underneath her. I stretched out with my legs on the coffee table in front. She was gushing about the girls.

'I know Hannah was the one who installed their traits in them, but you have grown them like little flowers, they are so polite and beautiful and it breaks my heart that they won't know their Mum.'

'Its all her. I haven't done anything.' I shrugged.

'But that's not true. You bought them out of the darkest times they will ever probably face. And they are happy, that's the big thing. They adore you.'

'I think you may have taken that crown today.'

'I'm just fun auntie Sasha.' She laughed. 'I couldn't do this all day every day.'

'You're very good at it.' I told her. She, for the first time since we'd been talking, was speechless. We chilled for a few hours, drinking and talking, until she got up with a yawn. It had been nice to have someone to talk to when the girls were asleep. The company was very much appreciated. She rang for a taxi.

'You're welcome round here whenever you want.'

'If you ever need a babysitter, make sure you ring me first, ok?'

'I'm not short on babysitters, trust me. It's been great having another adult around.'

'Ive enjoyed it too. You ring me when you want to go out or just fancy a chat.'

'I will. Thank you so much Sasha.'