AMIYAS P. O. V
sitting in this funeral home I can't begin to put my thoughts together, I can't begin to make myself believe that my best friend lies dead in the casket. I don't have the heart to go up there, sitting in the back of the room holding geos gentle hand as he slowly rubs his thumb across my hand, I lay my head on hectors shoulder both letting silent tears seep down our face. I felt numb, usually pain hits me before it hits anybody but this time I just sat in silence waiting for the pain to hit as my body was numb, all I could do was cry. I wanted to feel the pain to know my feelings are still here. "you have to pay your respects amiya" Hector lightly whispered laying his head on mine.
"I can't " I whimpered.
"come on, all of us together " yami held his hand out as me, geo and all of my brothers stood up slowly smoothing out my black dress. Hopelessly trying to sooth out my hair.
Geo grabbed my hand gently yet squeezing supportively.
My heart rate sped up and my breathing increased more every step I took. "calm down mamas " juwany placed his hand on my lower back pushing me forward as we finally stepped to the casket.
I held my breath knowing anything I do will make my break. I placed my hand on her cold isolated skin. Her beautiful pale skin was a bluish pale. My heart sunk it felt like my soul left my body, one deep breath and I damn near collapsed.
"oh " geo flinched catching me and I crumbled realizing the truth of what's happening that this was real.
"no " I cried out.
"it's a joke it can't be real " I stomped my foot trying to place myself steadily as yami grabbed me hugging me tightly desperately wanting me to calm down but how could I? Losing your best friend is a pain I would never ever wish on my worst enemy.
I stepped back from his embrace steadying myself on the rim of her white casket.
"Samantha Leanne" I whispered lightly bending down knowing every eye was on me.
"I love you, I love you so much "
"can we have a everyone take a seat " the pastor request as we sit down in the front row respectively trying to keep our composer. I laid my head on juwanys should and fiddled with his hand as the preacher began.
"Samantha was not only a daughter but a sister and friend to many, she held up good grades in school while running track and playing softball. She was always smiling and happy " he went on for a good seven minutes reading a bible verse and preaching about how sams in a better place before he asked if any of us would like to say a few words I stood up walking to the podium I felt like all eyes were on me, which makes since because they were.
"Samantha was not only my best friend but my sister, she knows every secret and every lie I've ever told. She holds every tear I've cried on her shoulder while we talked for hours about stupid boys who made us sad. The day Samantha died all I can remember is looking into my brothers eyes and seeing the pain. Samantha impacted our entire life for a decade and I will never be able to forget the love me and my four brothers have for her. She was always the funny one, anything bad happened and Sam would crack a joke or embarrass herself so we could laugh. She was never selfish either, she always put us before her even though she was the most stubborn chick I've ever met, we can argue about what ice cream we want, yet no matter what the argument is we always end up hugging because she was the best best friend you could ever have. Even though Sam has been sick for years I never really thought about what we would do when this day actually comes and as of right now I have no clue what im doing. Desperately trying to sleep at night tossing and turning refusing to eat because she isn't sitting across from me kicking my leg everytime I make a smart comment, it's hard to do any daily activities without her because she was a part of our every day life. I'm gonna miss yelling Samantha Leanne everytime she makes me aggravated. Getting ready for this service I needed Sam to straighten my hair and went to yell for her as I remember that's no longer an option. Sam was my right hand in any thing I could ever possibly need her for. I went on tour and I needed somebody to help me get my spirits up and she facetimed me for hours making jokes and motivating me.. So long live Samantha Leanne, forever in my heart and certainly in the Ramirez family " I kissed two fingers aiming them for the sky taking my seat, sadly the preacher closed the session and directed us to which grave sight she would be barried.
-
We all sat in the front row as the preacher man said the last words I listened intently bracing myself for when they started to lower the casket. I seen him step aside and everybody put their heads down as the casket slowly started going down I could feel my chest jolt up and down my breathing very unsteady, Hector grabbed my hand as I sling myself forward into the dirt desperately crying out in pain at her casket realizing this is my final goodbye..
"NO!"
"HECTOR I CANT DO THIS NO" I scream into his chest trying to catch my breath I lay there watching her go down, I take my rose and place a kiss on it marking my lipstick.
"this is it " I whimper "goodbye Samantha Leanne " I threw my white rose down the hole landing on her beautiful white casket. Slowly people started standing up and leaving the grave yard, I didn't move I couldn't take my blurry eyes off of her casket.
"this is real " I looked up at Hector.
"it had to be real one day mo " he embraced me. I clutched his back crying hopelessly wanting to wake up from this nightmare.
"it can't be though, she had so much time left. I need her "
He whipped my Mascara with his thumb. "I know baby " he whispered stroking my hair.
"I know " he started crying now clutching me for support.
"let's go home " I stood up grabbing his hand as we made our way to the car I sat between ace and juwany, I laid my head on his shoulder slowly letting my tears slip.
-----
This was really hard for me to write considering I have also lost siblings and it just hits home guys I cried the entire time I wrote this.
