Make Me Come

39th Ride

Author's Note: Loving someone will never be easy. It had always been like that.

Make Me Come song of the day: 25 Minutes by Michael Learns to Rock

PS: The next update will be in private. Sure na sure na 'to.

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Pagkadating ko sa bahay niya, wala na sila tito at tita. He was just there, sitting alone at the sofa while staring at the still waters of the lagoon right at the back of his house. Mukhang napakalalim ng iniisip niya. I'm wondering if it's still about what happened earlier. Naglakas loob akong lapitan siya at umupo sa tabi niya. Kahit na umupo ako sa tabi niya, he didn't made any move. Nanatili siyang tahimik sa tabi ko.

"Why do we argue every now and then?" He suddenly said. "Hindi naman tayo nagtatalo ng ganito noon. I miss the old us."

I realized that too. When our feelings for each other started to grow, things became complicated. Noong pinipigilan ko pa ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya and I was just treating him as my bestfriend, mas okay pa kami.

I wonder if we'll work out as bestfriends and not as lovers. Baka hindi talaga kami para sa lebel na iyon. Maybe we should take a step back.

"I miss the old us too. But when feelings starts to grow, we tend to ask for more. We can never be contented unto something unless it meets our expectations." Mapait akong napangiti sa sinabi ko. "When we both learned to love one another, we wanted to become selfish and forget the consequences of what we're about to enter. When we love, we tend to be selfish. Selfish for your own good and selfish for your partner's good."

Humarap ako sa kanya hoping to catch his attention before I continued. "I'm doing things on my own accord because I thought, I was protecting you. Gusto kitang protektahan sa paraang alam ko. I'm not being selfish solely because I wanted to protect myself. Selfish akong tignan dahil alam mong sa ating dalawa, ako ang tatanggap ng parusa at hindi ikaw. You think I'm protecting myself right?"

"Bakit? Tama naman ako 'di ba? You can't commit because you don't want to be punished."

"Hindi mo ba sisisihin ang sarili mo kapag naparusahan ako?" I felt him still when I said that. "Kahit hindi mo sabihin, alam kong kamumuhian mo ang sarili mo kapag naparusahan ako ng dahil sa nararamdaman natin para sa isa't-isa. Death is the punishment for the sclavuses who'll fall in love with their masters. Right?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya bago siya bumaling sa akin. "Your mom is the headmistress." I sighed with that confession. "I realized it earlier. Kung tutuusin, dapat nagagalit ako sa'yo dahil mas nagkaroon ako ng ebidensya na baka ikaw nga ang nagsabi sa headmistress ng patungkol sa pagkatao ko."

"Ha? Hindi magagawa ng mommy ko yan. She's a decent woman. Bakit naman siya sasali sa isang secret society?"

Mapait akong napangiti sa kanya. "Exactly the point that's why I can't blame you. You're clueless of her whereabouts and her activities. Siguro, para sayo, baseless ang mga akusasyon ko but I'll let you do your own investigation and learn the truth by yourself."

"Sabihin na nating totoo yung mga ipinagtapat mo sa akin ngayon, will it make sense?"

I nodded. "It makes a lot of sense Dan especially for our relationship. Hindi man halata, that reality will affect everything about us."

"So, you'll let those poeple around us, destroy us. Hahayaan mong masira nila ang meron tayo. Ganun ba kababaw ang pagmamahal mo sa akin?"

"You want an honest answer?" Natigilan siya nang bitawan ko ang mga salitang iyon. I stared directly at his eyes. I know my next words will hurt him but that's the truth. That's what I'm feeling right now.