Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 17

I went downstairs with a plan, to make breakfast specifically for Peggy, to thank us for having us over. I knew just what to make and started searching out the ingredients, surely she had everything for pancakes.

The bowl, the spoon, the scales, I opened and shut cupboard doors trying to find them. The flour fell like snow when I grabbed the packet. It was a different snow to what I was used to. I didn't try shaking it off me or cleaning it up, I got on with making the mix.

Once that was done I found myself looking everywhere again. After starring in the fridge a good few minutes I realised it wasn't something that belonged in the fridge and went back to the cupboards.

"Thought we were being fucking burgled!" Peggy expressed her relief at seeing me. "You'd make a shite burglar."

"I'm not robbing, I'm finding." I muttered.

"It's half four in the morning. What are ya doing?" Peggy stood wrapped in her dressing gown with her arms crossed.

I didn't ignore her, she'd made me jump but I didn't answer her as I continued my search. She would see what I was doing when I found the thing.

"Is this a craving thing?"

"No. Find baking oil gas batter fatter fire..." I let out world's, increasingly frustrated.

"What?! Are ya in labour?"

"No. I need to find it. It's here. I know it is."

"What are ya looking for?

"I don't know. What do I need?! What is it?"

"You need to go back to bed."

I grabbed my bowl and thrust it at her, almost spilling the mix on her. "I need to make pancakes. It's shrove Tuesday! It's important!"

"What are ya on about? That was the other week." She took the bowl. "Let's put this in the fridge and go back to bed. Pancakes can wait."

She put the bowl in the fridge. She calmed me down. She lead me upstairs, back to bed putting an end to my attempt to surprise her,.

I woke up a second time, went to the toilet, saw myself in the mirror and re-tied up my hair as I did every morning, although this time there was flour in my hair and on my clothes. Liam's oversized clothes were perfect for how I felt. I was a bit dazed and confused so I went in search of a clock, at least then I'd know the time. I found Ste wasn't in his room and it was late morning already. I heard Peggy talking and went downstairs feeling the guilt of sleeping in.

"Good morning. Breakfast." Peggy greeted me with orange juice and a bowl of weetabix, giving me the milk to pour.

"Morning. Sorry I slept in so late, I don't normally..."

"You needed it. Get your breakfast ate."

I sat and ate as instructed with her sat next to me like she was monitoring me. It was unnerving so I really tried to focus on getting my breakfast down.

"I had to chuck your pancake mix, it didn't do well in the fridge but if you want us to make more..."

She thought I'd poisoned it. She didn't trust me. She suspected me. She knew what I'd done to her son. She was trying to keep me there so she could have me locked up. I should do it. I couldn't do it, not to Peggy.

I shook my head. "No, I dunno what I was doing." I was just trying to surprise her and I couldn't even do that right.

I watched her and Ste play as I shoveled down the weetabix. He couldn't have been enjoying his time with his Nanna any more than he was.